Monday, May 28, 2007
1) buy myself an i pod shuffle: 2700
2) buy gifts for family and friends: 2000
3) save the rest: 3300. Erm, i think.
wooooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooo!!!! i cant remember when i was this happy, kinda stupid i know, i mean it is just 8 grand, but i guess im just excited its my first official salary.
anyway, am to excited to talk about anythin, even about Mr. I-walk-like-a-girl:) day 6 was good. though today i was in hurry had to lunch at Mc Donalds. Piles of calories, plus was verrrrryyy tired when i came home so i didnt work out today. Am not complaining though. right now, i feel on top of the world. Im experiencing something i never thought i would after 5 whole years:) am listening to coldplay !!! am talkin to Aditi and waiting for the weekend and am excited about 2m!!
luuuuuuuuurrrrrvvvee my life!! (did it again i know, im sure it'll get jinxed but whatever, need to be overexpressive, bad trait!!!)
"She keeps her Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet'
Let them eat cake' she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can't decline
Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
She's a Killer Queen
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Though i must admitt, havent felt this good since a loonnggg time.
acha, anyway, gettin to the details of what happened yest. i had another dream. Can u believe it?? i mean, everytime im sure im going good, i have a stupid dream. its like this vicious circle, the lord doesnt want me to move on. but i guess it was also an eye opener. becoz i feel quite differently than i how i felt when i last had a similar dream. dont feel depressed or desirable in any way. Just like i need to fight it off till the end, till im free, and i know im goignt to FEEL free opposed to a feeling of a void, which i always thought i'd feel. i feel great becoz i only felt stupid and desirable for about 5 mins and then i forgot about it. its like i have soooooo many better things to do beside what i once mopped about for daysss, even Aneesa seems to think im partly there. double WOOHOOO!!
i miss college like crazzzzzzzzzzzzyyy, but im glad we have this long break, im doing so many things, and i feel great! didnt go for badminton today early in the morning, was very lethargic...
DAy 5- gorged on mughlai food yest n today, god, i literally threw food into me, delicious food mind u, so i've come to the conclusion that i not following the fitness regime on weekends, will work out, but eat as well. am waiting for the interview tomorrow, have totally decided what im gonna wear. Yest was a good day, was supposed to go for "the big fight" but it got cancelled becoz of the rain, but we out for dinner and good dinner, im thinking i might've put on 3 kgs yest alone!
p.s- this is a poem written by a friend of mine, n though i havent asked for her permission to put it up publically, its somethin that insipired me and i loove it!
BIts of august
The dingy light in my one room shack
flashes in spurts like a camera on vacation.
The table with a leg shorter has my favourite book for support underneath.
My most comfortable couch now has been worn
with the tosses and turns given any August night.
Have you seen the damage, did you see what you do?
Don't play darling, its all such a gamble, I'll send the bill to you.
In it I have listed the expenses occured
which can be noticed when you enter my shack.
The empty glass, the dysfunctional pen,the diary with no meetings or important dates
no numbers, no people, moth eaten by gloom.
My dog refuses to walk with me now
it thinks it belongs to you.
I've tried, but its on the street somewhere
looking for home, looking for you.
Please pay for the television that doesnt want to work
the cheap perfume that doesnt smell like anything no matter how much I try
please pay for all these things that love you more
though they started out being mine.
Dont pay for me, I'll pay myself, it splits half-way
just like on our first date.
This darkness is maddening, dense and deep
solitude pricking and burning, but they belong to me.
It's their shoulder I have to rest my head on
It's their lap on which I quietly cry.
But these bits of you cant escape me either
every single time the light bulb flickers and flashes.
Capturing my emotion in a single frame to be memorised forever
when in my dinner I find bits of August
and the cheap perfume begins to smell of you.
copyright "shruti rao"
Saturday, May 26, 2007
So me n Aneesa talked after really long yest and we were discussing what we'd want in the perfect guy. yes, perfect is relative, but perfect according to oneself. And yes, call me stupid but i do believe that we all will come across someone someday who we think are perfect for us. It was great fun talking to her about that, and surprising we btoh found a guy who perfectly fitted the bill, but we dint want to make the effort right away, committment phobics we both are, thoroughly enjoying our single status. And i've realised that subsituting is the only way out and surprisingly and GLADLY, i no longer picture myself desiring to do certain things with *ahem* but more desiring for that day when i wont think of him and will be aware of his insignificance as an infactuation in my life!
anyway, Im totally for my mom's opinion that at this age we shouldnt be thinking about perfect matches ans just have some plain fun, and im going to make sure that my whole year is all about that. Yes, i made stupid mistakes in the past, but even though the thought of a relationship sounds good, im totally for my single status!!
All i need to get rid of is this curiousity.. and once the curiousity goes, pretty much most of it will vanish:)
I was just browsing thru a few blogs and i noticed how all the posts were surroundings-observant. Very few were about what happened during the course of the day. My point is how can u resist writing about ur day? Am i the narcissist here or is this truly weird?? i cant even imagine writing a full blog about observations i made during 5 months, like a 5000 word blog, Seriously who does that?? i mean from me, all i can extract is at the most 5 lines, and generally 3-4 paragraphs shud be good.
sigh, i guess its just me. I cant even write long blogs untill im totally in a chatty mood, like today. I have days where im too lazy to write anything at all, like yest.
Anyway, to the best part of the blog... Day 4- i dont remember what i had, but remember feeling guilty about something. i made up for it, perfectly healthy meals thruout the day and i even went to play badminton early in the morning today, extremly proud of myself:):)
"I remember when, I remember,
I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space
And when you're out there
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough I just knew too much
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
copyright "Gnarls Barkley"
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Sigh. ya, im ok. im good. i just lost it for a bit. i actually dont care. i just have to take proper pre cautions now. anyway, let me get back to the best part of the day, and also the only part.
Day 2- nothin about my diet was unhealthy except the quantity of dinner was a little too much coz i was so worked up with all the thinking:S but i did walk- 2.5 kms (wich is 5 round sof the colony) although i think its time i increase it a bit. And apart from the highly embarrassing incident, everything was good. I still didnt succumb to any temptations, but yes, did admire for half an hour, and was punished for it (so there is a god!). otherwise has been quite a boring day.
Im so boreeeedd, i've been tryin to resume my guitar classes but the institute is invariably closed.
On a normal day, college and all, im always looking forward to something. As in, there's always something to look forward to. But thats never the case wdurign holidays.
sigh i dont even know what im sayin or if im making any sense. Basically i'm bored, and thats the whole point of this nonsense. i need a vacation, and i really want to go to Goa, but as luck would have it, i'm probly going to end up going there with my parents. I mean i love them and all but, seriously??
Sigh, somebody up there needs to make some severe changes in my life.
"I was standing by the edge of the water
I noticed my reflection in the waves
Then I saw you looking back at me
And I knew that for a moment
You were calling out my name
You took away my hero
Will you take away my pain
Take away my pain
Let the cold inside
It's time to let it rain
There's nothing left to hide
Take away my pain
I'm not frightened any more
I'm learning to survive
Without you in my life
Til you come knocking at my door..."
Copyright "dream theatre"
Monday, May 21, 2007
Day 1- so far so good, i've eaten a fairly balanced lunch, and will make sure that i eat healthy stuff before dinner if i get hungry, and also havent broken rules and given in. lets see how far i can follow this!!
I also feel great becoz im gettin more spiritual by the day, and during these holidays i've realised that a good brisk walk makes u feel really good and meditating during the walk makes u feel even better. And this routine seems so much better than what iused to do. Makes me feel amazing actually.
Anyway, im dying to see pirates of the carribean and also dyyyyyinnnggggggg to start my guitar classes!
Amyway, i promised myself a home pedicure, so lets see if i can get the hang of it!
copyright "guns n roses"
"Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please dont cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight"
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Frankly, i totally love this status. yes, im bound to want a relationship in a while, all the flattering, thinking about the person all night and all the time, mutual admiration, the funny feeling in the stomach, the times when ur friends want to strangle u for talking about someone all the time, the endless talks at night, the fun dates, exploring new places, chivalry.. the works. But as of now, im happy watching all the movies i want at whatever time, going out with friends without wondering if i can squeeze in time to meet "him". I've discovered that contrary to beliefs u dont need a guy to make u feel good or wanted, a good walk and a good workout session makes u feel much better. For all those people who think inferior of themselves and believe by having a guy in ur live u've proven to the world that ur in sync with the requirements to be wanted or popularly, "in", trust me since i've been in that situation before, u can make urself feel much better with other things, becoz by putting urself thru such situations u just make urself committment phobic.
After a sour relationship, one tends to get committment phobic. Ive realised that i am one myself. U find urself gettin attracted to many members of the opposite sex, sometimes strongly, sometimes mildly, but u need to understand that they dont define ur life, ur relationships dont define u either. They are a part, which in some cases complete u or sometimes just make u feel nice. thats why i've realised that scrutinising instances and situations wont help, when u come to a decision about certain things, u need to stick to them. Doubts will come up, u will eventually get an indication when u need to move and do somethin else but while ur at it, continue and fruitful results will come out of it. for eg- when ur tryin to get over someone, when ur on a diet, when ur tryin to decided the status of a r'ship... etc.
Basically, everyone's aware of the dating world, but the trick is not to make it ur life but a part. And age definately doesnt matter, maturity and experience matters. There are other things in life that deserve more thought and analysis, especially when ur my age, 18. my advice to all would be that if u've found the one u are convinced is right for u, well and good, otherwise dont go searching.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I was just lookin thru a few pictures of mine and i realised that along with being quite photegenic(just in that mood), photography is also something i could think of doing... :) hhaahaha, look at me, acting as if i have it all on a platter. Well, in my defence i was just choosing, ofcourse i'll work hard towards it once i make my mind up.
I want to go on a vacation, not with my parents!! i havent been on an independant vacation till date!! except when my mum would send me to a relatives place becoz of reasons unknown to me. Me n Aditi r working on it though. We're trying to come up with something convincing so our parents cant refuse!
"we'll make them an offer they cant refuse."
(Swetha, stop getting philosophical!!!!)
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
"I don't look good in no Armani Suits
No Gucci shoes - or designer boots
I've tried the latest lines from A to Z
But there's just one thing that looks good on me
The only thing I want
The only thing I need
The only thing I choose
The only thing that looks good on me...is you"
sigh! i feel high spirited today! moody behaviour personified!! I love it when i listen to old songs and feel good about them, i love the way me and aditi scrutinise and analyse everything, i love our hopeless msgs, i loooooooove the rains and the earthy after effect smell, i love my colony, i love when small kids jump around and play football in the rain as if thats what they were born to do, i lovvveeee my niece, *smiles*
I met a friend after 5 yrs today and i felt awesome!! but the best part about today was i bought new pair of chappals!! i guess thats what has made me feel alll good today!! also im very proud of myself today, becoz i resisted the temptation to talk to a certain someone even though becoz of certain things i saw today, i was totally convinced that we're soulmates! but anyway!
i feell alll good!!!! funny how shoppin for footwear makes u feel so amazinggg!!!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
whats so weird is that sometimes u listen to songs to that get u all nostalgic and u end up thinking about it for the rest of the day. And well, this is my life story, gettin nostalgic, and thinking and doign things that u know will only end up in main.
I guess i've finally reached to a conclusion, even though i've probably said this more than a zillion times. Coming to this conclusion is not helping me in a anyway becoz i'd come to it months ago, but i guess i need to keep re assuring myself about it. this ting keeps happening becoz i've really found a right substitute for it. For a few months its ok coz i've found someone nice, but untill i dont find someone who according to me is perfect i cant substitute with the existing perfect one. So basically i have to wait. Its going to be a long, restless and frustatting wait, but i have take upon it. i have to. Untill then i guess i would have to continue living normally, tryin not to get nostalgic and mad.
Cant wait to catch up wit old friends!!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
1) my college friends:
a. Saumia- Without the risk of sounding corny or cliched, i really dont know what i would've done without her. By far, Saumia's the only person who knows EXACTLY what is wrong with me and knows EXACTLY what to do for it. loaddssss of kissesss n love:)
b. Swati- Swati is my reality check. She's like this big sister i never had and i'm really thankful for that. There are times when u need a wakeup call and only Swati can do that, to not only me but all of us. Mmmuuahhsss:)
c. Anukriti- Anu is the person u go to when u need to have fun! She's a total entertainer and an extremely good friend! *big hug!!*
God alone knows what i would without the three of u, u guys are my saviours and im so glad i didnt end up anywhere else. This time i'd realllyy like to say thank u, not for those wacky, crazyyyyy days, not for convincing me that im not one bit hyper and whiny, but for allll of it! Each and every single moment of this one yr!
2) Aditi- Aditi is myyy best-estttt fwend in the whole wide wowldd!! I love her more than words can express and she's like my little sister, my pillar of strengh and im shit protective of her!! we have a very strong understanding of each other and she's probably knows exactly what i'll say, do n vice versa! best friends in the true sense!hugs n kisses!! XXOO
3) Aneesa- Aneesa.. she's a blessing in disguise. She's the reason behind the mature, more sensible me. I've literally grown up with her and we've seen each other pass thru every turn of life. She's someone i know I'll be with for the rest of my life becoz ours is an unbreakable bond. She's the first person i turn to for advice, her opinion matter the most and I've had the best times of my life with her:):) XXXXOOOO
4) Sruthi- Sruthi... hm.. i cant seem to start about how much Sruthi means to me. I might have made blunders regarding our friendship and took it for granted, maybe it'll never be the same again, but Sruthi's has been truly a friend, someone i've grown up with and someone who STILL knows me in and out. I cant thank her enough for the wonderful 3 yrs and the umpteen moments of fun!! loveeee u soo much!!!
5) Makhi n Pingu- Two of my closest friends from school. pingu is my oldest friend n the most adorable, warm person i know! i love her sooooo much and we've had crazzzyy fun times together where we couldnt stop laughing! wats so amazing is how we have our own lives but we never lost touch n are still as close!! lovee yaa woman!! hmmm, makhi.. where do i begin?? makhi is like a big sister, actually like a twin! we have our own space n lives but we're actually the same person inside with a tad bit different qualities! we've had some great times n will always cherish them!! muaahhsss to our singing abilities n synchronisation:)
6) my school friends: Anchit, Arjun, Manglu, Milky, Pixie, Namrata and the whole of the right row in 12F!! 11th and 12th has been by far the 2 best yrs of my life, somethin i'll always cherish! u guys have given me all the happiness, laughter anf fun moments like the mussorie trip, picnics, anjali n praveen's classes, laughin at stupis jokes during bst n accounts class, roamin around in the corridor, breakin all rules possible! love yaa all!!
7) All my teachers during the 12 yrs of my education. Yes i have hated some, and i have loved some. but im truly what i am becoz of them. Anjali and Praveen Ma'am have been inspirations. Mr. Naidu from MHS has been the best teacher i ever had. My classical music teacher from bringing out my talents, My college teachers Antara, Harpreet, Susan and Sanam have been awesome and the sole reason behind my successful 1st yr!
8) Zephyr, my college western music choir- Sakshi, Sahiba, Megha, Megha J, Neha, Adila, Aastha, Geetanjali, Puii and Tanya, thank u guys for the bestttt time during this and some good music sessions n comps! zephyr 2006 rockss and i have totaly faith in every single one of us! we're gonna kick some serious ass next yr! lovvee ya all!
9) This last person is somebody i cant technically mention but he/she has been a very important part of my life unknowingly. This person is responsible for showing me the best and the worst times i've ever seen and for me growing up to be mature. Even though i've probably abused this person the most till date, and made him/her loathe me, he/she is responsible for the mature me and i owe lot to him/her. some people dont stay a part of ur life for long and move away before u want them to, but what they brought to u and the things they made u see and feel always stays with u, come what may. thanks, is all i can say:)
there are mannnnnyyyyyy more people i want to thank, for contributing and making the 18 yrs of my life amzing, so while i mentally name them all, thank u alllll!! thank u for making my life sooo cool and so worth living! muuuuaaahhhssss to all!!!
And thats why today is a very important day for me, because for once in a loooonnngg time, (I will not mention the duration or someone just might murderrr me:) I've come to a point of realisation. I will do it (and if u expect me to reveal what it is, ur just plain dumb, really) ok thats it. i know i get verrryyy boring when i get all philosiphical, im not reallllyy like this!!
urghhh! lalalalalala... *jams fist into the key board* gredf's bvfweruiodofh[wegipowngiopqwebnoerheirglogrn