Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Mental Note to Self (and others, if you will):

Nobody's going to force you to be positive. You can drown away in the negativity, just because asking yourself to have faith seems like the supreme cliche. It's always better to stay corny and happy, rather than staying intensely creative, for the lack of a better word, and intensely grumpy.

It's somehow all falling into place now. Not magically, though. I've been working towards it. So all the notions I had that someday I would get up and things would just start working for me, is utter nonsense. There always has been, and there always will be the need to get up and tackle all the bullshit upfront. And I did that. And I officially give myself immense credit for it.

I love myself the way I am. After breaking my head over the flaws I kept recognizing in myself, I realized that even though it's sad how I need to keep reinforcing to myself that I am in fact pretty great, it's a happy realization. Flaws and all, I thought, I need to know when to pat my back and when to criticize.

Faith. That's all it takes, and you know that whatever it is, a fault within yourself, and cluttered day/week or a negative itch on your back, will whiz past eventually.

I choose being corny. I love it :)

Monday, January 18, 2010

They say Pete Best is the unluckiest man, ever. Imagine missing the bus to being the world's Ringo Starr. Poor, poor man.
I can't even imagine my life without The Beatles being exactly what it is/was.

I love The Beatles, needless to say. I don't claim to be their hugest fan, but I cannot imagine my life without them around. And hence I felt like listing my favorite beatles numbers according to mood.

1. Crazy, Drug-induced Beatles- Yellow Submarine
2. Super fun, Dance-able Beatles- Hold Your Hand, Drive my Car
3. Vintage Beatles- Hey Jude, Penny Lane
4. Profound Beatles- While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Yesterday
5. Distinct Beatles- With a Little Help From My Friends, Love Me Do
6. Romantic Beatles- Something In the Way She Moves

Oh, Those four.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

It's a bit strange. This constant need for a definition.

"Define what you want to do in the next 3 years"
"Define the relationship"
"Define an internship"
"Define (insert word)"

There's always somebody looking to put you in a bracket, trying to figure out what type you are. Sure, it makes things a lot more easier for everybody if you're type, but why judge when no definition floats?

I have a fundamental problem with judgements. I don't understand how people stick to them. I'm not counting that snap judgement everyone makes at first go. I'm talking about judgements that float around for years and everybody's inherent apprehension to clear them.

I'll tell you what else I have a fundamental problem with. People grappling to accept the way they are. I don't see why. If one feels like they want to change the way they are, it should be made easier for them and not hard because for some godforsaken reason, and yes, external sources, they carved out to be a certain way.

"Life will teach you a lot", he said. Maybe. Yes.

It's the give-take that I despise. Because every time I am faced with a situation where things like "You'll learn", "You'll see" is thrown at me, I actually do see and learn.
And that's just me. On another average day, those sentences are defined at cliches.

Oh well. Back to definitions, are we.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I'm raging mad. MAD.

All your quests to cleanse your soul, and your karmic beliefs, are going to come and BITE you in the ass, my love.

Because at the end of the day, you hurt me more than I allegedly did. And you know how much you're hurting me. Whereas you gave me no chance to make up for how much I hurt you.

You're the reason I can't make new relationships, and I'm PETRIFIED of making one mistake, because evidently that is all it takes to let everything fall apart.

I'm so raging mad, my love. And this is the end from my side.