Wednesday, April 30, 2008
We've been friends for 6 years now. Needless to say, I love you. You know me best, or I think you do. We've had our memories, our share of tears, our fights. Many think our friendship is successful because we know how to deal with each other, we know exactly what to say, what to do. Maybe you are one of my best friends. And I say that because I have grown up with you. Everytime we have a fight, I try to focus on the postive side of our friendship, and how people envy it. We haven't had a fight, I just realized that you've been taking me for granted.
It's hard for me to tell you this, because I know how opinionated you are. I wonder If you'd see things the way I do. I dont approve of F. Not because I think he's too good, but because I think he's fake and there's a very huge possibility that he'll behave on the other extreme, and this is not the first time you've come across a person like him. I want to warn you everytime but you never give me the chance, you're too convinced. I don't like A. I don't like how his friendship with you is very superficial. But what I hate more is that you still don't and you never have stood up for me.
I keep telling everyone that I can your company for only some time. I think I have our friendship all sorted out. I think I know how to deal with you, But now I don't know. You haven't bothered to find out details of my life. You haven't seemed interested when I told you anyway. And you do otherwise, with your stupid friends, who I also think as very temporary. I can't say Im irritated, I think its more than that. There are phases for how I feel about you. Sometimes i love you too much, sometimes I can't stand you. Maybe this is a phase, but this time Its gone too far. Last night I didn't feel like i could even speak properly. Right now, I probably never want to talk to you again. Im cringing, and I hate you.
But you know I can't. You know I can never truly hate you. If only you'd give me the fucking space to say what I want to you. Its not that Im afraid, your response is so predictable I can't let myself go through it anymore. I think Im going to let you live in your rose tinted world, where your opinions only exist, and you think that the world is interested in pampering you and listening to you. I can't see you fall, and you've never listened to me enough to come back to reality because of me. Hopefully, it'll happen soon. Hopefully it won't be too hard on you. I can't guarentee me being there then, but you should know I was with you and I cared about you at some point.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I love falling sick, I love my in-your-face collar bones, I love my fringe, i love having nothing to do for 3 full months, i love my now fit self, i looooooove Queen, i love not having an apetitie, i love craving for only diet coke!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
- I remember my neighbours building had a huge basement parking and an even huger down slope to get there. So we' strap on our roller skates and roll down. So much fun !! Without any elbow or knee pads. And i never bruised myself. And then once we got tired we'd play around in the basement and pretend like we had some dangerous mystery to solve, and force ourselves to pretend like the small speck of paint meant something :) Good times. I miss my neighbours.
- I remember fighting like crazy with my friends, after which i would pretend like i had a secret language that i created with my other imaginary friends, only to make my real friends jealous. Never worked with a majority of them, the only one who believed i actually knew a secret language is my longest standing best friend. No surprise, huh?
- Me and my friends would play chor-police in 6 buildings around us, till late in the night, about 9, and then come back home and hog on food. I dont think i went home for 4-5 days altogether during my vacations.
- Whenever I'd come to Delhi for vacations, My parents would take me to Appughar without fail, and then the zoo. The only thing I'd ever want to eat would be cotton candy, And i was crazzzzzzzzzyy about those soapy bubbles. I'd drive my mum mad :)
- My grandmother would try to teach me to speak in Tamil every vacation. One day she taught me "naan kizhe poren" (I'm going down) which she told me to tell everyone in the house evertime i went downstairs to play in the park. She had also taught me "mella poren" (going up) the day before. Needless to say i got confused and said "naan mella poren" instead, in front of all my grandmum's RELIGIOUS friends. My dad snorted and mum burst into laughter. I wasn't given ice-cream that night :)
- In the 2nd grade we had a fancy dress competition in school one day and had a musical the next day- The Ugly Duckling. I was made one of the roosters for the musical so to take the easy way out i wore the same costume for the fancy dress competition, and i spilt some greasy food on it. The next day we thought the lights would cover the stain, so nobody bothered. But turns out, the other rooster that had to hug me, was allergic to whatever caused the stain, so 5 mins after my scene she started to sneeze heavily. Nobody knows till date that I'm the cause behind the awkward scene !
- In the 7th grade I had a crush on some boy in the 9th grade. He was captain of the Swimming team boys and i was captain of the girls team. I got a dare to go talk to him, and i caught him near the pool, so while talking to him me friends sneaked up behind us and threw us both into the pool, with clothes !
- When i was in the 6 th grade we(neighbours and me) held a junk jewelry exhibition, that was such a big hit, my parents got calls from Sponsors asking her to allow us to continue making them on a regular basis. We earned quite a lot of money as well.
- I was in a real hurry once to use the bathroom in a mall, and in the hurry i locked to door real hard. When i tried getting out, the door wouldnt open. I cried, howled, screamed. I went crazy. I kept screaming for my mum, and a good 15 mins of shrieks later, i realized i was unlocking the door in the wrong direction :)
- My parents took to me for Titanic when it released. Everybody knws what happened to me after that, i took me 4 months start sleeping properly, and the smallest noise would wake me up and i would irritate the maids in the house. Yeah, i was quite a whiny little brat.
Thats all i can think of. Most of the other memories and of me throwing a tantrum and my parents throwing one back :) I actually demanded things as a kid. Sometimes i would get what i want, but when the demands were crazy (like a years supply of soap bubbles), my parents knew when to ignore :)
Urgh. Hopefully i'll feel fine by tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Disclaimer: very cliched and opinionated. Don't bother to correct it or disagree with it.
- Every girl who's grown up with "kuch kuch hota hai" and "dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge" has loved Shahrukh Khan. And has nodded to the song "mere khwabon mein" from DDLJ, at some point in their lives.
- We've all been through the "i hate bollywood songs and only listen to metal and rap" phase.
- We've all liked the first few, or maybe atleast one song of Himesh Reshammiya at some point.
- The girls who're my age, have at some point had a crush on Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, and have liked their music.
- Admitt it, you liked Titanic when it first came out.
- You also liked Pretty Woman and Notting Hill. Yes, YOU too.
- We've all thought we were in forever-lasting love at some point in our lives.
- We've all cried while watching "Taare Zameen Pe".
- We've all clicked random, self obsessed pictures of ourselves from the first camera phone in the house.
- We've all said "anywayS" at some point. Or had an email ID that was really lame- like coolgal88 or soemthing like that :D (I'd have mentioned "LOL" but i never said it or used it)
- We've been judgemental regarding gender, beauty, race etc at some point.
- There'll always be something that happened or you did, that you've told no-one about. There could be more, but this one's for those people who feel the need to tell everything to everyone, and have different people to share different things with.
I'm bored now. Leave a comment if you nodded even once during that :D
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I dont really know how to begin this. I dont really know why and how It's coming out. I'm afraid of including too many cliches. I'm afraid that this will not make any sense. I think the only thing i wanted to say is that I miss you. Its funny because I don't even know who you are. I dont even feel in extremes about you, I dont really care most of the times. Obviously, you left an impact. Left me with one lingering thought : What next?
Is this it? It looks like the end to me. Well, then. I'lll probably never come across you again. I still don't know how i feel about you, don't know where this is steming from.
I know i still miss you, Is that wrong?
What that a cliche?
Sigh, i guess.
From the one who doesn't know, and who probably never will.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Today is officially the only day after i passed out from school that i get to see how it looks like at 6 in the morning. I had to take a bath... uff.
I have nice memories of Vishu with Extended family. My Father's side is a perfect mix of urban yet traditional tamilian family. So my ass is taken most of the times when i cant respond to their witty conversations, but we-hell, i can understand. I can :) I remember how i'd be woken up at 4 in the morning when i was living in Dubai only to bang my foot every single *^$@#&^ time at the corner of the bed. My parents would always try to do it the right way when we in Dubai, and then we'd call Delhi to boast about our day and how it was all done properly. Though, its really cute to see my mum contribute inspite of being a Gujarati. Its adorable how she'll keep asking my dad to translate stuff and they have their nice little moments together.
And then we sit down in the evening, my dad swearing he won't eat that much ever again, and giving me the talk. You know the "we don't care who you get married to, but if its a tamilian please make sure he's an Iyer" talk. The whole day is kinda predictable but its so cute. And since Tv is practically banned when Dad's in the room, we end up playing monopoly or scrabble. Its fun :)
Okay, the day's officially not over so Im just being presumtuous, but what the hell, I'll demand that we sit and have some quality time together. You know, its funny how just the other day i was talking to a friend about how i want to move out, and now i feel very family-ish. Maybe that's what festivals are for. I've always considered myself to be very I-couldn't-care-less about festivals, but i realised how much i love spending time with Extended family during them.
Oh and my mum's side, they're FUN. I only get to meet them once a year during one of those must-attend weddings. Over the years I've realised how much i actually look forward to them. I dont have many cousins, they're either too small or married with kids, but the one that are close to my age, i love them ! They pamper me the right way... and more often than not i come back home feeling loved :) Yes, apart from the absolutely mandatory comments about my hair and face and external (otherwise not important, apparently) beauty.
But all in all, Festivals are fun. Especially with my family. Its the right mix, neither do they overdo it nor do they neglect it.
*gush of love*
Oh, yeah, i have a paper in 2 days. Haven't looked at anything. Royally screwed again, But i have Vishu as an excuse this time :D
Friday, April 11, 2008
- The first thing I do in the morning is smile. Because I look absolutely gorgeous, i do! My lips are pouty and my hair is fashionably messy :) So i love how i look for about 10 minutes in the morning, after which i become clean, poof.
- I love how i have a fantastic voice. Musically and otherwise. My voice is very soft yet not sing-song, meek soft. Its sulty soft... and has a small little bass tinge to it a well. Musically, well I'd need another post for that, I have too much of an opinion about it to put it down in a point :)
- I love my room- its very inviting. Its very orange and sunshine-y, and surprisingly, the days when you'd hate anything remotely yellow or orange, my room can mould itself to how i feel.
- I love my three best friends from college. My friendship with them is perfect. And like Dancebaby once said- you choose your friends after schoolm, in school you're put together with them, which is wh you end up staying in touch with a rare few. Its so weirdly amazing how throughout school i was called the hyper, impatient over-the-top "bubbly" one (eww), and now, compared to college friends, I'm the calm, patient one. It all fits :)
- I love how i know. I just know. I won't say it, i might not show it, But i know. Very few people can see that Im ctually only 10 % of what they think i am, I love how i can be anything people want me to be, with ease. There are only 2 people who bring out the full, real me, and i love them :D
- I love my hair and its style. Its long enough, its punk-ish enough, its in-style enough, yet its... me. My hair is Me. Nobody wears their hair the way i do and i love that !
- I love how i can see into my future, and i know its going to be amazing.
There's so much more, but I'm tired of appreciating myself this much :) It gets exhausting to think you're the only one who thinks in those lines. Its actually quite frightening how much i think into things. You could give me my room and some music in the background and i'd think for the rest of the afternoon. There's so much to think about, and something i freak myself out, wondering if I'm the only one who observes so much about things and people around me. Its so weird how moods fluctuate, how even though you're feeling on top of the world, something inside you tells you it won't last long.
Its funny though, in a way, because after months have finally accepted. What all, you ask? Everything. I have accepted it all. Situations, people, highs, lows, notions, ideas and myself. Do i want to change anything. When i have the power to change, i'll answer that.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
So, i have Sociology tomorrow. Yes, i have exams going on, am i not supposed to be near the computer or something? (sometimes i wonder who i could be talking to)
(name inserted here) *bright green dot*
Okay, how do you deal with this? How can you not talk to someone when their effing status says effing AVAILABLE? Yeah, i know it'll pass, either me or him will eventually go offline. Evidently, i dont want to. Yeah, yeah, i know the right thing to do is switch off the damn PC and go study... Up yours.
Okay, lets focus on better things. *breathes*
I heard this new song the other day. The lyrics are very.... haunting yet not negative. Get hold of the song, its called "solitude standing- Suzanne Vega". I recommend it to all !
Fine, Fine I'm going now. I will focus on Socio, i swear. Oooh, wait lets make this even better. For all those who read this... tell me how you've coped with this kinda crap before or presently :D
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I had to give a qualifying hindi exam today, for the second time in 2 years, because i managed to flunk last year, I mean who the hell made hindi our national language anyway?
Oh yeah, this post.... it dedicated to the use of the word "anywayS"
Does it exist?
Is it still used?
Does it piss me off?
Whats with people pluralising thing? Lol (which doesnt make sense to me as well) becomes lol'z'.
Anyway becomes AnywayS. All the Delhi-ites should know this- What's with people calling PVR Priya as PriyaS or Elevate as ElevateS, or worse Mocha as MochaS and so on? Seriously people. Get a real job.
You know, today is one of those days where you're not sure if you're feeling good or bad. So there've been these box of nuts in my frige for the longest time and suddenly Mum and me discover that they're Chocolate covered nuts :)
Best friend came to a conclusion about a facebook update that is relative yet in your face obvious. Then, my hindi marks, after calculating 95 times, are 18 on 50 worst-case scenario.. which is passing! (its qualifying, people!! donot judge) Im over Malu boy... still am not over my fixation for Southies though :) I have kickass plans for the vacations.... And well, I've had an Amazing hair day, so im guessing thats where this is bubbling from.
OH MY GOD.
A friend just said "good nightS". Its like God is rubbing it in my face.
Anyway.... getting back to the good things. All the guys I've had a crush on, and i have this habit of putting them all up on a pedestal, are suddenly becoming more and more human to me. They're all normal, nothing spectacular, though i can still see why i liked them, its so clear that i don't anymore. So its clean, if you will. There's nobody to think of, and on a normal day I'd whine about this, but well, its not everyday you find chocolate covered nuts in your fridge :)
Yep, today's one of those days where you think the world loves you and everybody from the opposite sex is attracted to you :)
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Yay! new fringe!! I cut myself. i use scissor well. extremelyyyyyyyyy happy :D
Apart from that, I've been reading some abso-lutely amazing blogs. So im finally over the feeling that everyone around me, apart from close friends who i can vouch for, is stupid. I had a blooywood (specifically DDLJ) momen with Best friend yesterday. No Im not going to reveal it for the whole world to laugh.
Yes, i've not matured one bit. Yayayaay!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
It took my 11 years in school to realize Im not a funny person. Im one of those who'll probably get all the jokes cracked on all topics, but i wont be the one cracking them. Maybe, just maybe, I might say something funny but my kinda funny is generally witty-funny or sarcastic-funny. Not humorous or situational funny. So why should my blog make anybody laugh anyway? Thats not who i am.
Ok, next. The only things that bother me, would be topics that have been written about all over the place. Like feminism or homosexuality or religion or popular culture or music and what should be listened to or molestations or recent newspaper updates. My opinion is either going to be for or agaisnt the topic, which can easily be read about. Why bother putting down my opinion unless there's a discussion among friends and family... why would i write about it? Unless i dont ger another forum to express my opinion, which ahs really never happened to me, so Phew.
A good writer... who is?? Kinda broad isnt it? Who decides whats good, what is credit-worthy, what is supposed to be read and what not? Most importantly who decides that when a blog only discusses PERCEPTIVELY trivial day to day details or the individual's life, it becomes self-obsessive?
Okay, do i WANT to write about surrounding issues? Not write, but i jump on any opportunity to write an article or speak about it. Am i the only one who treats me blog as a personal journal or E-diary? What do you think? You- not the next shakespeare or Salman Rushdie, not the next Sanam Khanna (my god-like college professor), not my current best friend, my 100 or so friends or my romantic interest... but you, the person, you.
Do write it... atleast then i'll know how many read my blog.
*jams fist into the keyboard in mock anger*
*croons to "unbreak my heart"*
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
For the uninitiated, its the harmony (vocal) part of a song, the second octave-ish thing of a particular line.
Fine fine, Im tohtallay boasting :D
Yes, i feel particularly saddistic and sinister today. I was scheming with a few people... about what I'd like to do with certain people.
Here goes.... just so you know there's this side to me as well!
"me: a cat gave birth to 2 kittens under my Ac.
they're the cutest :)
Shruti: aww, i like kittens, can you go touch em?
or feed em or something?
7:59 PM me: are you crazy? you want her to scratch my eyeballs out?
right now we're just maintaining distance
8:01 PM Shruti: "balu, why dont you go touch the kitten..no no, go on, the cat really couldnt care less"
me: you should read the msgs i sent aditi... about what i wanted to do with him today.
8:03 PM Shruti: im sure they were graphic, violent and quite tarantino-esque
8:04 PM me: "hang him by the thumb above the fire place or make him dance around naked around the bonfire while i poke him with a red hot rod"
"watch him dance around in a pink thong"
me: "or make him wear pointy boobed cholis with transi ghagra's and dance on a ghaati bihari number"
...and then she said this... *curses*
"Shruti: oh dear, im right
you're still in love"
Wont comment on that though. Am too bored for that. Feeling goooooooood about the single status today. Yes, in inevitably comes down to that every single time. What to do. One year people :D
David Archeleta and Ivan are sooooo HOT! And are kicking ass in "So you think you can dance" and "American Idol" respectively. Today was oodles of fun. Made me realize how much Im gonna miss the seniors. They're real fun, Im kinda regretting now that i never made the effort to get to know them better. You know, I do want to move out, but i also absolutely love my college life. It only gets draining when you have prep leave and lots of time to spare, and then the devil in your mind kicks up. literally.
Urgh. Im a Perv.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind,
It'll fool ya every time
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all
Now I was once a fool, it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name
That was Kelly Clarkson's best vocal according to me. Frankly i never thought I'd be quoting that ever.... erm, not that I'm whining about the trouble with love, or that Im in love... i just think the lyrics are very.. well, not appropriate, but very relatable, in the sense, at some point i could relate to it in the past, and at some point i will relate to it in the future.
So i have History in exactly 3 days. Am i studying? Haha.
Anyyyyway. As usual, my life revolves around whining about my been-there-for-too-long single status. Im not particularly whiny about it today, really, there are days when im okay with it. I keep reminding myself that this is only happening because i have so much free time (yeah happens when you have exams :) ) Pugsie called me the Whine queen today. Wait, no i called myself that because it was kinda funny how the only way anybody could be whiny-er than me is if they're PMsing. Pugsie just realised how the real world is so much better than the virtual. *sniggers to self in despair*
So the thing i decided i wouldnt discuss on the blog, well about that, yes DISASTROUS, didnt work the way i wanted it, but like I've been told and know subconciously (yes, again), its a learning experience and i will laugh about it in a while. Well, i was laughing about it in the afternoon with the person concerned also so, no biggie, really.
Haha, who am i kidding, given a choice i'd whine about it for months, and continue to trash myself till my jaws dont hurt, and even then I'd probably have to stop only because my Mum would be screaming her head off for me to get of the phone. Yes, i only whine on the phone these day... life is sad.
"I suck, Life sucks"
Ooooh, am i allowed to quote?? :D
"I'd be on my knees for you, if you were here."
Me: you're crazy?
"about you, yes :)"
"Im intellectually and physically attracted to you.. and one doesnt debase the other"
Yeah, thats my way of getting over someone. I think people have given up on me. Im making a big deal of nothing really. God is showing me signs. You know, have Pugsie feel really (the H word) about some "hottie" and admitt that its exaggerated but there only coz anything remotely real is appealing. I should learn. I should join pugsie on the diet :)
Okay, Im going to try once again. And im not whining about being single today, today is the day i make myself open to romances from the fucking real world. REAL is the key world here. Sigh, the weather's good. I have history to do. Wait, today's tuesday... so you think you can dance is on tonight! yay!
*ray of hope suddenly visible*
*smile suddenly creeps on her face as she thinks of Ivan*
*she bursts into a song*
*she declares herself very (the H word)*