Friday, October 2, 2015

The tidal wave into adulthood

The other day I was having a conversation with my mom, and she told me something I think I would like to get tattooed on me. (Not really, this is just me trying to reinforce the importance of that phrase)

"You have to learn how to be on your own, and love your company, beta," she said. And coming from her, it made so much sense. I have much to learn from her calm.

I won't lie. Life itself feels a bit like a break up. And it's so typical of me to stall my emotions with any kind of external stimuli, until it slaps me in the face. Some will call this a phase (most loved ones usually do) but there's a nagging voice inside me that is draws out the bitter truths of life with a squeaky white chalk on a black board.

This year has been great, actually. It has moulded me into the person I see myself being for the next couple of years. There has been change, yes, massive change inside me and around me, and it has poked holes into my core, drenched to dry. But change is inevitable, no? I guess that was a concept that took time for me to understand.

But beyond all this contemplative sadness, 2015 has been good. Amid all this change I've managed to identify and retain my few constants and I've kept them in a loosely bolted, treasure box in my heart. I tread every relationship with caution now, but I'm thankful for the unconditional flow of love. I'm thankful to have understood the true meaning of friendship, companionship and responsibility. I'm thankful that I can atleast attempt to let bygones be bygones. I'm getting there. I'm climbing to my ideal place.

Being 27 is tough. And the fact that I'm writing a straightforward journal entry should be proof enough. I've had to grapple with a massive writer's block too, but it's all good. I genuinely believe everything happens for a good reason. And on that note, I'm officially letting go.

It's tough to remind yourself of the good things in life when you are perennially trying to deduce, understand and analyze change. So just don't. Take your time. Grieve. Understand, and put a bolt on what you can't understand. There will be loads of those, I've learnt. And soon there will be a day when those emotions won't have just evaporated, but you will learn to coexist with them, without completely losing your mind.

I think I'm being a bit dramatic. 2015 has been quite great. It's been a year of life lessons, and even though there are 3 months left to go, I am done. When this year is over, I want to look back at it being the tidal tsunami of my life. That bungee jump into adulthood. There's no looking back. There's more to be done, and less to be thought of. More life events, and less cognitive whirlpools. More pride, less skepticism.

I know what I want, and I have to run after it. Metaphorically and otherwise :)