Sunday, July 29, 2007

whats with everyone??

okaayyy.. i know its been freakin long, just u know, was being my usual lazy self, im not even goin to bother with punctuation n all.. im finally talkin to u-know-who..
so weird it is, ive almost forgotten all the anger i had towards it. even tho i know better than being how i was before.. im workin on it..
i was just talkin to a friend u know.. she's in such a pathetic mess.. i mean i know how it is to be helpless, but thank god im not there any longer.. i feel great but also in a way sad for her.. i mean whats with ppl, i cant see why she cant make the right choice, n i know im being a little inconsiderate here, also becoz i as in a similar position not so long ago.. sigh. i wish someone could show her the things i see now...
anyway, mayb thats just how life's started.. things are great! and even though 2nd yr seems hard, its not dry, im enjoyin it.. im kinda disappointed with the response wit zephyr auditions... enigma's got good ppl, n so has lakshya... im just soo beat about doing well this yr,. coz i dont know what'll happen next yr, whether i'll b there or not.. i mean knc is soo looked down upon, i wish there was a way we could just shut up every one..
sigh, in just one of those sucky moods.. waiting to go to college 2m.. ha, dont knwo what i'll do when i pass out..
urgh, somebody kill me.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I was supposed to go to school today n while im waiting for the bus i find out that the bluelines going to noida arent operating any more coz of the recent deaths. thats ridiculous, just becoz of some reckless drivers now i have no idea how long i wont be going to noida. n i was really looking forward to meeting the teachers today. anyway, then i went over to aneesa's n as always had great fun! we talked n talked n talked. and as usual bitched about V n had some very serious conversations before we realised that it had been exactly an hour n a hf since we discussed our non existence love lives:) some record:)

anyway, talkin to her just worsened the way i'd been feeling since last evening.. i watched some stupid hindi movie where romanced is so totally over rated n even then i longed for it. not for romance but longed for the presence of SOME GUY in my life. not necessarily in the form of a relationship.. i just discussed it with aneesa, u know some guy who'd keep my mind occupied n not the stupid ones that happened over these 2 months, someone who'd reciprocate. Like aimless flirting, talking all night, getting to know each other, totally aware of the chemistry, the undeniable attraction, um, mutual attraction.. all that, like an amazing feeling when we'd touch by "mistake", when we cant concentrate on anythin for long with each other present. and u know someone who i'd have a lot in common with so we can talk, n have decent conversations, someone who i can totally be not sure abt, a situation where i dont know where this all is leading but all i know is that im constantly thinking of him and he's thinking of me, he calls me at 4 in the morning to tell me he just remembered some minute detail abt me, he looks at me all the time but blushes wen i catch him at it, a situation were i'd hv the liberty to flirt with whoever n whenever but i wouldnt becoz i just wouldnt get enough of him, of smiling at his thoughts, of writing blogs n poems abt him, but still not confirming it as an attraction. where we'd keep lookin at each toher, find the need to plant a kiss on him wen we;re alone but wouldnt do it........ n finally kiss one day out of the blue n NOT HAVE THE OBLIGATION IF GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP AFTER THAT.

i really wish i could have all of that n much more. yes, i dont a formal r'ship but i want all of that, i miss all of that!! hopefully someday it'll happen. im waiting for it though, n i hope i find someone suitable:)


" Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone elses words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted

Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun"

copyright "pink floyd"

Thursday, July 5, 2007

im back!!!

im not going to go thru the trouble of changing the font and all that jazz.. am in a very musical mood today. we had out eca trials today! and it was the same as last yr when i started college. only a few were good. i missssss college and i cant wait to get back!! its just 2 weeks away now, and i can imagine how my days r gonna be, i just hope i have time to take my evening walks so i dont blow up!

oooh, we finally got a synth player for Zephyr today. and now that im officially in 2nd yr, tho the results rnt out yet, im sure, i still feel like a fresher, i guess the feeling'll come only when the ragging process'll start! but i love the whole feeling of college, the routine, atmosphere et al! oooh, im being ignored by gay m! he hasnt replied to my scraps n i sent him a friends request n he hasnt accepted yet. i can understan his inhibitions though, he probly thinks like other times im not ready to talk to him but i succumbed to the tempation, but the best part is it isnt affecting me at all! i dont care if he doesnt talk to me!!! i feel amazinnnnnnnnnggg!! can never really be over OVER him but its over, this whole baggage of feeling is GONE!!

and ya, the asshole, yes, R came back again, threatening to ruin me again.. n this time i reallyt thought he'd do it. but he didnt. n i realize now that i did make a mistake by going out with him, even though today i was talkin to anu abt him n feelin kinda nostalgic but i guess thats only becoz it was for 1 n hr yrs.. but otherwise more than a l;ooser he's an asshole. n i dont regret doing it* becoz it taught me a lot, but i regret being wit him. anyway, to prevent anythin to happen again im trying to be friendly.. so thats it with him

am looking forward to saturday, aneesa's doing her work.. n i hope it works out. i dont wanna go out, but i'd like to keep my options open n have that feeling, just casually have fun!! and ooooh, have decided for mass com in australia, made up my mind. and for that i need to study my arse off n get a first div so i'll get a good scholorship!! missssssinnnn college n sahana!!!