I was supposed to go to school today n while im waiting for the bus i find out that the bluelines going to noida arent operating any more coz of the recent deaths. thats ridiculous, just becoz of some reckless drivers now i have no idea how long i wont be going to noida. n i was really looking forward to meeting the teachers today. anyway, then i went over to aneesa's n as always had great fun! we talked n talked n talked. and as usual bitched about V n had some very serious conversations before we realised that it had been exactly an hour n a hf since we discussed our non existence love lives:) some record:)
anyway, talkin to her just worsened the way i'd been feeling since last evening.. i watched some stupid hindi movie where romanced is so totally over rated n even then i longed for it. not for romance but longed for the presence of SOME GUY in my life. not necessarily in the form of a relationship.. i just discussed it with aneesa, u know some guy who'd keep my mind occupied n not the stupid ones that happened over these 2 months, someone who'd reciprocate. Like aimless flirting, talking all night, getting to know each other, totally aware of the chemistry, the undeniable attraction, um, mutual attraction.. all that, like an amazing feeling when we'd touch by "mistake", when we cant concentrate on anythin for long with each other present. and u know someone who i'd have a lot in common with so we can talk, n have decent conversations, someone who i can totally be not sure abt, a situation where i dont know where this all is leading but all i know is that im constantly thinking of him and he's thinking of me, he calls me at 4 in the morning to tell me he just remembered some minute detail abt me, he looks at me all the time but blushes wen i catch him at it, a situation were i'd hv the liberty to flirt with whoever n whenever but i wouldnt becoz i just wouldnt get enough of him, of smiling at his thoughts, of writing blogs n poems abt him, but still not confirming it as an attraction. where we'd keep lookin at each toher, find the need to plant a kiss on him wen we;re alone but wouldnt do it........ n finally kiss one day out of the blue n NOT HAVE THE OBLIGATION IF GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP AFTER THAT.
i really wish i could have all of that n much more. yes, i dont a formal r'ship but i want all of that, i miss all of that!! hopefully someday it'll happen. im waiting for it though, n i hope i find someone suitable:)
" Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone elses words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of live and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
I took a heavenly ride trough our silence
I knew the waiting had begin
And headed straight... into the shining sun"
copyright "pink floyd"