Thursday, May 17, 2007

Im in a veryyy grey mood today.. and surprisingly not the depressing grey but the "wtf, i like this colour to hell with its connotations!" kind of grey!! My mum's pissed of with for being online perpetually but somehow i can always find something to do.. i have no idea why im justifying everything i say, but wihout souding downright depressed, i feel kinda inferior today, after giving a thought to what i actually want to do, later on. i RREAAAAALLLLLYYY want to move out and stay on my own, and i know its going to hard becoz im probly used to the pampering but i want to experience it. But the question remains, what do i want to do?? its like a nagging irritating thought that just refuses to get out off ur back, i know the field i want to enter but ask me details i'll be like whaaaaaaaaaa??? and i know i can write, okay, i refuse to be modest, this is my blog after all, i know im articulate, i write good enough, when was just "good" enough??? I guess after giving it a loonngg thought i realised that im good at discussing trivial things untill they become something i start thinking about and then hours later feel like a dumbfuck for wasting so much time on it. so i dont know about Print Journo, t.v journo sounds good, but ha, welll, the choice isnt mine, i dont know what my aptitude consists off. By far the only people who think i write well are me, um, my family(i know u cant count them, n yes, thats ridicolous, shut up.) and a few people here and there who like few pieces that ive written. But on the contrary many people will vouch for me being articulate. I dont know, somehow im not convinced that i will be good in these fields. And somehow i have to be if not the best, pretty darn good at what im doing, which is why i am not publisising my vocal chords and pursuing it as a hobby whilst in college, and i so cannot be philosophical, i sound like an idiot when that feeling comes upon me. So what should i do?? back to square one. I knew i was good at psychology and i regret not realising this in school, but instead then i just wanted to do psychology as a course becoz it sounded good, n now i've realised that i would have been "pretty darn good" at it, plz dont ask me how.
I was just lookin thru a few pictures of mine and i realised that along with being quite photegenic(just in that mood), photography is also something i could think of doing... :) hhaahaha, look at me, acting as if i have it all on a platter. Well, in my defence i was just choosing, ofcourse i'll work hard towards it once i make my mind up.
I want to go on a vacation, not with my parents!! i havent been on an independant vacation till date!! except when my mum would send me to a relatives place becoz of reasons unknown to me. Me n Aditi r working on it though. We're trying to come up with something convincing so our parents cant refuse!
"we'll make them an offer they cant refuse."
Sigh, Godfather!!
(Swetha, stop getting philosophical!!!!)