I'm leaving in exactly 6 hours for a trip down south for 15 days!!

Awww, are you done gasping? I won't be regular with the blog, yes. You'll just have live without the daily update, sorry!

OKay, enough cockiness. I'm going to miss writing too, and only heaven knows how much I'll have to miss out on, in the real and virtual world. But vacations are always fun right?

Atleast Its going to get my mind of Magnetmoron, and other nonsense. I'll definitely feel refreshed after it. OOOHHH!! I met guitar boy today! I'm realllllllllllllyyyyyyy happy for Best friend. I think they'd be wonderful and hopefully sparks will fly during "jimmy". Haha, yes, their first date will include a lame movie and the laughter.. lots of laughter, a certified ice breaker!

Messages!!
Best friend: I'll miss you! hopefully, the one week is yours. I wuve you :D
Pugsie: Don't miss me too much! Awww :)
Strawberry: Hopefully when I'm back there'll be new news about R!
Dance baby: You don't read this I know, but what the hell, YOU better not do it. I'll kill you if you do.
Magnetmoron: Hopefully, I'll find someone and have my summer fling and forget about you :D
You: You now who you are. If I'm right about how I feel, I know you'll miss my blog, I'll miss yours. Yes, its you only. This obviously spells out a lot... :)

P.s- I need to make sure I don't stop working out. And finish the goddamn book. Okay, officially excited!
P.p.s- kannathil muttamithal- to all who comment. A big tight hug for the first one!
(yes, i just learnt that word, it means "peck on the cheek" only right?)

Still at strawberry's place...the party's over. We totally acted like 13 yr olds... played random childish games... took tons of pictures, i whined about being fat.. the usual :D

Okay, highlight:
R(strawberry's boyfriend) sent her flowers andtons of chocolates in the evening, after pretending to be oblivious for 1 whole day... awwww, you should've seen her face, IM SORRY i'm gushing about it more than she is, but HELLO? Its not just chocolates and a card, you should've BLOODY seen her face :)

DUH, I'm feeling particularly vulnerable, but the most important part is she'stalking to him right now behind me.. And Im am 100 % jealous free happy for her!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY strawberry, FOR the millionth time :)

YES, and magnetmoron is ONLY Mr. sounding right for NOW. I shall stick to that. Will get back to gushing about the day.

Am happy, the excited one, as well as sad, the momentary one, altogether.
Blah.

Not even one bit. It doesn't bother me one bit that he's out there laying it thick with some random girl from Pune. Surprisingly all I want is for him to come online. Just conversation. And for him to want to talk to me when he's not feeling frisky. And a chance to get to know him better. That's it. What kind of a stupid attraction is this?

Anyway, we all know this is just the vacation blues. Get used to my whiny whiny whine. Maybe when I'm back from my vacation I'll feel better, in terms of my relationship status. Dance baby and me just realised that we'd be wonderful girlfriends. We'd totally break all the stupid stereotypes some guys have about the behaviour of girls in a relationship.

Are you fucking listening?

They loved the presents :) Although, there's more, and Im looking forward to strawberry's party!

Just signed in because I realised something. I really really like Magnetron. No matter what people say. Its not working out, I know, but minus his obvious flaws that effect me, I do think he's perfect for me. Don't raise eyebrows, Strawberry and Pugsie. Ignore this please, I'll be fine in a while.

I wish he's see though, and he'd stop looking at me as a backup. I've always had this problem with men. Hence the high standards.. I have a huge issue with hypocrites who bed hop OR want to, but have this huge list of things they'd want perfectly intact in their future girlfriend. Or any guy who pass unnecessary jugdements on the basis of gender. Magnetron is not like that. Okay, I know Im like all gushing over him, but I like certain things about him that nobody can understand. I'm sick of spelling them out. Infact, he asked me for my blog address, which is why I changed my name, incase he googled it.

Its so complicated because I don't want anything to happen considering why he talks to me in the first place... acha, fuck it. He's a horny 21 year old basically, what would you expect? Im sick of being the girl who the guys flirt with. And yes, Magnetron in my back up, but he's perfect because he knows that. He knows the situation and why I talk to him, and suitably responds. I'll never let him see it though, And Im hoping this will die down in a while, infact I think I like someone else, but its not that big, I dont know him at all. We've met through very weird circumstances.

Plus I keep comparing everyone to Magnetron. I guess what I told Dance baby is right. Im like scarlett, and only a Rhett can truly accept me for who I am. I can allure anyone, I can get anyone to like me, But it'll be very short lived.
Sigh.

I had a very eye-opening talk with Dance baby today. Im so glad I have her around... as cliched as this sounds, she's the only one who can predict my future POA and be absolutely right... And know what the right thing to do would be, suitably satisfying everyone's desires :D

Im really excited about pugsie's and strawberry's bday gift! Pugsie- when you read this, you'll already know what it is :) UNLESS you dont wake up at 8 in the morning to write a post.

मेरे दोस्त पागल है ।

Haha :D
I was a miserable wreck 2 days ago, Im back to my narcissistic self. Though I won't rant about it..... yet.
OMG! I love Justin Timberlake. Yeah, I know sexy back is really old, but I just came up with this amazing line :)
"Justin can totally whip me if I misbehave :D"

Acha, Magnetron news: Dance baby and me came to a very self-assurative conclusion... so Im kinda happy about that.
R Status news: I have realised that my standards are very high and I've discussed it too many times to type it out again. It'll be hard to find someone who matches up to my expectations. Magnetron is somewhere close. But I HAVE REALISED he is my feel good, contact when depressed back up. So I feel much more sure and secured about the situation.

I like how my cheekbones have come into visible existence, now. I love the fact that Im finally going on a vacation with my Parents. I'm really looking forward to it.
Ooooh, I could dance :) Im happy, but more celebratory kind of happy. Ironic since Its pugsie's and strawberry's Bday and not mine.

Lalalalalala :)

Oh, the gift is KICKASS. I know Im not being modest and there's slight chance they might not LOVE it, but I dont care, I do. I hope Pugsie doesn't read this. Haha.
And yes, PUGSIE and me are real friends, and she's not a figment of my imagination, and Im very hurt with the inisuation. I mean how jobless would the Idiots think I am to maintain 2 daily blogs?? Up yours :D

Oooooh, I could have a ego battle/war of the witts with someone now, and kick some ASS. Anybody who's interested please initiate and get ready to DIE!!

Yeah, people have told me I resemble the character of Ross in FRIENDS.


*goes to dance around*
*manages to piss everyone with her LOUD in-your-face "happy" vocals*
*could give Magnetron a very good time now*

I'm glad about one thing.
I have successfully accepted that I'm different compared to the people around me. Especially in terms of writing and intellect. Pugsie and Sh are two people I look upto with regard to writing and creative abilities. Throughout my friendship with both, I was afraid my fluctuating self worth would come in between my appreciative skills... but thankfully it hasn't.

It never did :D
A sense of growing up is always welcome. I think i'm going to stick with "sassy twang". Otherwise, everything's fine. I had a bitch moment last night. I have got to stop using people because I'm low on self esteen and then sulk because my POA didn't work. Not exactly mature I know.

Urgh, apparently I have a cute nose.
:(

Okay, so I'm randomly talking on the phone to an equally narcissistic friend, and since i ahve no visitors these days, I roam around in the house wearing my fav shorts.. torn, faded, tattered, most comfortable :D

And I sit down in front of the mirror, because, habitually, I need to look at myself while I talk to other people on the phone... and then I realize that my work out has made a TREMENDOUS difference on my thighs.

OMG! I have the most amazing pair of legs in the enitre world. I swear to you. I really do. I cannot believe what I see in the mirror. Yes obviously Im still looking at it.
Wow, I don't think Im going to get over this one in a long time. Yayayaayaya!!! I have sexy legs! The next guy I get into a relationship is so darn lucky :D

This is life's hard truth, people...

Sometimes, you try your best to convince yourself to not do a certain thing, write about it, tell yourself that you will regret it, chalk out specifically why you shouldn't do the aforementioned, ask about 2 friends to remind you to not do it because you don't trust yourself, talk to yourself and completely ignore the risk of sounding like a weirdo to people around you.......

And you will still do it, if you want to.

Moral of the story- try convincing yourself that you Don't want to do it next time. Although i might warn you, it doesn't work. You'll just end up learning the hard way. So I've just decided to tell anyone who questions that I would rather regret doing what I did, than knowing I didn't do it even though I really wanted to.

P.s- Although I didn't regret, I did it but i made sure I didn't regret.

P.p.s- Damn it, I wanted this post to be short and sweet.

P.p.p.s- Still sweet, no?

OMG!!

Okay... *breathe*

So, in today's American Idol show, Archuletta sang Stand by me and Love me tender. Cheesy again, but he always strikes the chordm =) Im starting to fall for him.. even though he's only 17... just 17 imagine =)

Here's the interesting part. So last year, around october-november... we (my choir in college) were told that a few pakistani college students were coming so we needed a couple of new songs to perform for them. We racked our brains, and Stand by me is our all time favorite, but It had gotten very corny by then, so we decided to jazz it up a little bit.
I come up with a medley. Okay, only a true musician would know this. You know how you're singing a song, in the right notes, and suddenly in the flow of it, another song totally fits.... melody, harmony, tempo et al ?? If you try carefully, Stand by me and Beautiful girls by Sean Kingston go perfectly together.
So i suggested this to the others, and they really liked the idea... But unfortunately, it didn't work out. It got too slow, and we didn't have time to make it sound like.. beautifully right. So I forgot about it. But I remember how everybody told me that It was a brilliant mix and that we should really try doing it next year and stuff. Also how nobody had ever thought of it before... blah blah. It was a good night.

Here's the freaky part. DAVID ARCHULETTA, best vocals in American Idol, I must add, sang Stand by me today... and towards the end of the song, INCLUDED BEAUTIFUL GIRLS ka one part in it :) :) I was stunned, needless to say. I had to share this with someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately, nobody from my choir's in town, and none of my other friends would relate to this miraculous discovery.
YEAH! I feel gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd :D

Saw Iron Man today. Its really good. Like a perfect mix of Spiderman and Bond. Totally worth getting out in the sun. Other than my abso-fantastically amazing discovery, no other highlight. Pugsie and Strawberry's Bday coming up.
Decided to not discuss Magnetron at all. He's not significant. Really.

Sigh, Archuletta and me. We have a connection :D

Don't stay, Don't go either.
Don't do anything... just be around.
Stay, that's all I'd want from you.

You're no more than a temporary want.
Albeit a very desirable one.
I'm not confused or messed up.
I'm just not clear on certain things.

You could go If you want.
Leave nothing behind.
Only go, If you're sure you'll never be back.


Okay, I don't write beautifully. But a few lines are enough to express. So Im not going to get embarrassed and not publish that. I wrote it impromptu and I want it to remain. I'm not looking for feedback, this doesn't classify as anything but a vent. Bleh. I realllly like David Archuletta from American Idol, there's something very inspiring about his voice. He's kind of corny, I know, and I prefer David Cook, and I'd want him to win, But Archuletta has the best vocals I've ever heard, hands down.

Anyway, Best friend came over yesterday. We took some very funny videos.... I don't think there's anyone who we've not poked fun at. My thighs are aching.... the pain is excruciating :( I started working out yesterday, and I knew this was going to happen.. Sigh I guess Its just the wrong time of the month. No reason for this crankiness. Im actually in an okay mood. Just being cranky aise hi.

I've realised that I've become much more comfortable with the way I look. Its nothing to do with my weight loss, but there are many pictures and videos that I took yesterday which made me look positively like a PIG, but It didn't really matter to me after a point. So thats progress I guess. I've realised after reading a few of my previous posts, that I was very confused about my sense of self, it wavered from time to time. Though now, I dont think I could chalk out specipfic adjectives, I'm sure about what I'm about.

Acha, this post is getting too pep-talk-ish for me to handle. I think i just need a vacation. Im waiting for end of this month, when I'll be off. I love Delhi, but I need to go away for sometime to recognise its worth.

One question- what kind of a feeling is it, to want to ONLY talk to that person, not bothering about what they do in their lives otherwise.. with absolutely no feeling of jealousy, or interest in what they do or say to other people, as long as I get to talk to them? Hating them on the extreme, and missing them everytime you hear or see somethin approriate.. and not being able to resist talking to them when you see them online, or when you recieve an SMS from them, inspite of knowing its a fucking dead end??

Okay that's a long question. I'm sure you get what I mean though. Please enlighten.

Ok's new post and what I told pugsie, has got me thinking. I realised that till about a few months ago, I'd whine my ass off to anyone who'd listen about my depressing single status. Somewhere it was putting an effect on my self-esteem. Infact, more than being single, it was the horror of not having a crush on someone or finding someone desirable. I kept coming to conclusions. The first thing I thought was that I needed mind games, so I'd be able to convince myself that I'm capable of intelligent flirting.

Disaster. I picked someone who was a non-conformist and a total opposite of the guys I had been with in the past. All we had was a wit battle, where either he'd give up or have the perpetual smirk(through his words). It would make me feel either inconsequential, which I always was btw, or inferior, which i wasn't. Eventually I realised that he was not interested. He only decided to talk to me because I was giving him an Ego boost, which is what I wanted in the first place but that didnt work out. I can totally see through him now though.

Then I decided that I can't handle any of it. Bogus conclusion actually, because it drove me to the I-think-I-deserve-just-a-fling side. What happened then? Two weeks of a fast paced flirt-a-ton later, I realised that it was just a result of an erection, with reference to the guy in question. Pugsie, strawberry and best friend made me realise that I am a relationship person. And I'm kind not really in the mood for a relationship.

So last night I came to a conclusion. What I want is an improved version of what happened btw me and Magnetron. Its hard to find a guy who's not interested in ONLY the physical but isn't really looking to getting married. I've only met guys who belong to either categories. The rest are friends. So I've stopped trying really. An episode of seinfeld made me realise that I'm actually looking for an extension of me. I'm sick and tired of listing down the qualities. It becoming a cliche only. And very very repititive and predictable.

So I'm going to stop noting down qualities, because I don't believe in the concept of soulmates. I'm quite happy with how things are going. I have a goal, and a fairly amazing life. When and if I do find someone who's worth the relationship, I'll make it work. NO pre-requisite qualities. Yes, I want to date, Im ready to date, but Im not ready for a relationship. I don't think there's anyone I know who's worth a relationship. When I do find the one who is, I'll make it last as long as its possible.

Although, I cannot date someone who says "anywayS"
Or who listens to hip-hop.
But we'll need another post for that.

Sigh. This is why I'm still single.

Suddenly, for some strange reason only known to god, It has become unbearingly hot. I can't stand it. S, A and I decided we needed a movie and the only decent one around was "Horton finds a who". Its really cute, I must admitt but the heat really took a toll on us. I couldn't have been happier to get back home.

Okay, I've realised Im not really that fond of hugs. Its a weird thing actually. I like being held (thats one sided, mostly from the opposite sex) and I'm oking with hugging anyone who comes up to me and greets me with a hug, but thats about it. I don't long for hugs when Im depressed (pugsie, its okay for you to :) and Im not really someone who'll express their love and affection for anybody else through extremely explicit physical gestures or words. When i have to, I don't care if it comes out to sound cliched and cheesy, but not always, occasionally maybe. It irritates me to see people do it all the freakin' time. With me, people know I mean it, when I say it.

I've just been reading and watching movies. And working on birthday presents. I'm broke and cranky because of the heat, although I have a pretty full vacation planned. Plus Best Friend is coming on Monday, so thats something to look forward to :D

Pugsie- Let go.... you know Im right. It'll be fine.
Best friend- Start blogging again!
Dance baby- Stop dreaming of Garlic Bread (?)
Magnetron- I hate you and your cockiness. And Im trying really hard to stop. Like just STOP.
Strawberry- Have a wonderful nap :D
Other readers- Don't judge. Its just a hot day.

*jams fist into keyboard yet again*
*doesn't break, and she's unaffected*
*goes to watch some more TV*