Ok's new post and what I told pugsie, has got me thinking. I realised that till about a few months ago, I'd whine my ass off to anyone who'd listen about my depressing single status. Somewhere it was putting an effect on my self-esteem. Infact, more than being single, it was the horror of not having a crush on someone or finding someone desirable. I kept coming to conclusions. The first thing I thought was that I needed mind games, so I'd be able to convince myself that I'm capable of intelligent flirting.
Disaster. I picked someone who was a non-conformist and a total opposite of the guys I had been with in the past. All we had was a wit battle, where either he'd give up or have the perpetual smirk(through his words). It would make me feel either inconsequential, which I always was btw, or inferior, which i wasn't. Eventually I realised that he was not interested. He only decided to talk to me because I was giving him an Ego boost, which is what I wanted in the first place but that didnt work out. I can totally see through him now though.
Then I decided that I can't handle any of it. Bogus conclusion actually, because it drove me to the I-think-I-deserve-just-a-fling side. What happened then? Two weeks of a fast paced flirt-a-ton later, I realised that it was just a result of an erection, with reference to the guy in question. Pugsie, strawberry and best friend made me realise that I am a relationship person. And I'm kind not really in the mood for a relationship.
So last night I came to a conclusion. What I want is an improved version of what happened btw me and Magnetron. Its hard to find a guy who's not interested in ONLY the physical but isn't really looking to getting married. I've only met guys who belong to either categories. The rest are friends. So I've stopped trying really. An episode of seinfeld made me realise that I'm actually looking for an extension of me. I'm sick and tired of listing down the qualities. It becoming a cliche only. And very very repititive and predictable.
So I'm going to stop noting down qualities, because I don't believe in the concept of soulmates. I'm quite happy with how things are going. I have a goal, and a fairly amazing life. When and if I do find someone who's worth the relationship, I'll make it work. NO pre-requisite qualities. Yes, I want to date, Im ready to date, but Im not ready for a relationship. I don't think there's anyone I know who's worth a relationship. When I do find the one who is, I'll make it last as long as its possible.
Although, I cannot date someone who says "anywayS"
Or who listens to hip-hop.
But we'll need another post for that.
Sigh. This is why I'm still single.