Sunday, May 4, 2008

Ok's new post and what I told pugsie, has got me thinking. I realised that till about a few months ago, I'd whine my ass off to anyone who'd listen about my depressing single status. Somewhere it was putting an effect on my self-esteem. Infact, more than being single, it was the horror of not having a crush on someone or finding someone desirable. I kept coming to conclusions. The first thing I thought was that I needed mind games, so I'd be able to convince myself that I'm capable of intelligent flirting.

Disaster. I picked someone who was a non-conformist and a total opposite of the guys I had been with in the past. All we had was a wit battle, where either he'd give up or have the perpetual smirk(through his words). It would make me feel either inconsequential, which I always was btw, or inferior, which i wasn't. Eventually I realised that he was not interested. He only decided to talk to me because I was giving him an Ego boost, which is what I wanted in the first place but that didnt work out. I can totally see through him now though.

Then I decided that I can't handle any of it. Bogus conclusion actually, because it drove me to the I-think-I-deserve-just-a-fling side. What happened then? Two weeks of a fast paced flirt-a-ton later, I realised that it was just a result of an erection, with reference to the guy in question. Pugsie, strawberry and best friend made me realise that I am a relationship person. And I'm kind not really in the mood for a relationship.

So last night I came to a conclusion. What I want is an improved version of what happened btw me and Magnetron. Its hard to find a guy who's not interested in ONLY the physical but isn't really looking to getting married. I've only met guys who belong to either categories. The rest are friends. So I've stopped trying really. An episode of seinfeld made me realise that I'm actually looking for an extension of me. I'm sick and tired of listing down the qualities. It becoming a cliche only. And very very repititive and predictable.

So I'm going to stop noting down qualities, because I don't believe in the concept of soulmates. I'm quite happy with how things are going. I have a goal, and a fairly amazing life. When and if I do find someone who's worth the relationship, I'll make it work. NO pre-requisite qualities. Yes, I want to date, Im ready to date, but Im not ready for a relationship. I don't think there's anyone I know who's worth a relationship. When I do find the one who is, I'll make it last as long as its possible.

Although, I cannot date someone who says "anywayS"
Or who listens to hip-hop.
But we'll need another post for that.

Sigh. This is why I'm still single.

12 comments:

Venting Macha said...

I understand. Even I wouldn't date anyone who says "anywayS" or listens to hip-hop or types "lollll" on chat. Or my personal favourite - "...I cried so much during Hum Apke Hain Kaun"

It's ok to be eccentric and a little choosy, I guess! ;)

OK said...

"...it was the horror of not having a crush on someone or finding someone desirable."

Bang on!

Are you refering the episode in which Seinfeld meets a girl who is exactly like Seinfeld?

Explains, why you are reading my blog;). Just kidding.

-Ok

Drenched said...

"it was the horror of not having a crush on someone or finding someone desirable"
Exactly, exactly! While I don't mind being single, what I hate right now is the fact that I don't even have a teeny-weeny crush on anyone! Of course, I can say XB is there but that's so not a crush. That's... that's different, right?
As for having a fling or even a relationship, one thing is 100% sure. It can never be done with an "anywayS" person or a "hi yaar, hw r u?" sort of idiot or somebody who listens to himesssss or hip-hop... or asks, "Hey, who wrote a book about the movie Namesake?"

Swetha said...

Venting Macha: Who I woudlnt date, will definitely need a new post... I'm a little bit too choosy if You know what i mean :)

OK: Cocky OK strikes again, eh. We should all just join a group or something.

Drenched: Yeah, the XB thing is different. Its all the same... sigh. Repititve vicious circle... urgh.

V said...

you can always wish for something that fits your criterion but you'll only get something that either exceeds your expectations or falls dangerously short... but it helps if you look beyond labels and see who the person actually is.

i mentioned this on Ok's too.. i have a new motto in life.. law of averages.. it all has to even out and finally i'll find someone who i'm completely compatible with and vice versa..

but in my case, the even-out process is going to take longer than usual because i've sinned beyond perceivable imagination.. lol

Swetha said...

I agree with the first line. Its always unbelievable or disastrous, and therefore now Im also looking for something average that can last for a considerable amount of time.
But then again, the persistent problem is compatibility. It takes me very long so it has invariably become my first priority. :D

Sigh, we're all sailing on the same boat.

Arun Sundar said...

GIRLS!!!!

pugsieT said...

"It would make me feel either inconsequential, which I always was btw, or inferior, which i wasn't."....totally...hail all sense babayy...see..some people are not only a million light years away from us
a)physically
b)emotionally
c)intellectually

some carry it further and are that far from the people we REALLY wanna be with...you know i write through (limited, yet a lot of) experience...

fact: magnetron or wte..really naaahhh....for sure...not an extension of u

and seinfeld..well i love him...and kinda agree with the extension bit....but on the bright side...it just shows how much we love ourselves to want someone like us..(in some twisted way)...hehe

Swetha said...

Arun Sundar: Erm? What is the connection again, between gender and scrutinising the relationship status?? Please enlighten.

Pugsie- I love you :) you aren't picking up my call. We do love ourselves a little too much no?

pugsieT said...

A) i didnt get any call
B) i believe we have reason to adore ourselves...being intelligent, articulate and overall fabulous individuals and a huge gift to humanity...

uhh C)..uhh...maybe your right...

D)lets not care anyway...

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