Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Don't stay, Don't go either.
Don't do anything... just be around.
Stay, that's all I'd want from you.

You're no more than a temporary want.
Albeit a very desirable one.
I'm not confused or messed up.
I'm just not clear on certain things.

You could go If you want.
Leave nothing behind.
Only go, If you're sure you'll never be back.


Okay, I don't write beautifully. But a few lines are enough to express. So Im not going to get embarrassed and not publish that. I wrote it impromptu and I want it to remain. I'm not looking for feedback, this doesn't classify as anything but a vent. Bleh. I realllly like David Archuletta from American Idol, there's something very inspiring about his voice. He's kind of corny, I know, and I prefer David Cook, and I'd want him to win, But Archuletta has the best vocals I've ever heard, hands down.

Anyway, Best friend came over yesterday. We took some very funny videos.... I don't think there's anyone who we've not poked fun at. My thighs are aching.... the pain is excruciating :( I started working out yesterday, and I knew this was going to happen.. Sigh I guess Its just the wrong time of the month. No reason for this crankiness. Im actually in an okay mood. Just being cranky aise hi.

I've realised that I've become much more comfortable with the way I look. Its nothing to do with my weight loss, but there are many pictures and videos that I took yesterday which made me look positively like a PIG, but It didn't really matter to me after a point. So thats progress I guess. I've realised after reading a few of my previous posts, that I was very confused about my sense of self, it wavered from time to time. Though now, I dont think I could chalk out specipfic adjectives, I'm sure about what I'm about.

Acha, this post is getting too pep-talk-ish for me to handle. I think i just need a vacation. Im waiting for end of this month, when I'll be off. I love Delhi, but I need to go away for sometime to recognise its worth.

One question- what kind of a feeling is it, to want to ONLY talk to that person, not bothering about what they do in their lives otherwise.. with absolutely no feeling of jealousy, or interest in what they do or say to other people, as long as I get to talk to them? Hating them on the extreme, and missing them everytime you hear or see somethin approriate.. and not being able to resist talking to them when you see them online, or when you recieve an SMS from them, inspite of knowing its a fucking dead end??

Okay that's a long question. I'm sure you get what I mean though. Please enlighten.

15 comments:

pugsieT said...

oh dear god...thats a really
l-o-n-g question...hmm...lets break it down...

1)feeling is i-am-nostalgic-cuz-ex-crush-is-no-longer-around-and-desperate-for-sane-HIS-type-of-conversation

2)you hate him cuz he's a jerk who doesnt deserve you...you replied???..ohhkay..well..you replied cuz jerks are hard to resist when your feeling the above and longing for that chat...ahh..*i so know*

but if youve fallen off the wagon and now replied or something...just climb back on and continue to give him the mental finger..and dont waste anymore time bashing yourself up about it...your human...

*very pep-talk-ish indeed me izzz*

Dil totte totte ho gaya! said...

I have a brilliant idea. Grow a mustache. That way, like in Seinfeld, you can take a vaction from yourself.

V said...

now, it's definetly time for jaigermaister.

Swetha said...

dil totte totte h gaya: ARE YOU serious??? I dont have anything more to say to you.

Pugsie: We just discussed this.

V: Yeah! That would help..... or maybe it wouldn't. I don't know.

V said...

actually it never helps... contrary to popular belief, alcohol does nothing to alleaviate stress, if anything, it aggravates it... cortisol is a hormone that keeps a check on the level of stress in the human body but when the body starts to produce excessive amounts of cortisol, the stress level remains unchecked.. alcohol is the primary cause for boosting the production of this hormone.. but it masks the higher level of stress by numbing your senses.. hence, giving the false deception of being a stress-reliever...

hahahahaha.. i'm fucking bored out of my mind at work man!!! that's why i'm spewing out meaningless trivia...

Anonymous said...

:) As Chandler says "When people are feeling bad and come to for advice, I usually make some jokes about them and make them feel worse." ;)

Have you seen that Seinfeld episode?

-Ok

Swetha said...

Ok: which one? you're mixing up FRIENDS and Seinfeld. Although, Chandler and George are my fav characters from both sitcoms. I can't get over their jokes sometimes.
Like i was just watching this episode yest, when some colleague of George says- "George, the Ocean called, they're running out of shrimp."
And then he actually flies to Ohio to show throw him a comeback. Its hilarious.
Chandler's my favorite-est IN the whole wide world :)

V: And here I thought you were being nice and all, you know, stopping me from indulging in stupid drinking. Very sad. As a legitimate drinker you should tell a 19 yr old to drink resposibly.

PREETI said...

Long question, short answer: I dont know!

Ok, i know that wasn't much help but i reallyyyyy don't know...i'm trying to figure out the same thing for like, the past 6 years...?!?

I read ur 19...? Which means uv got 5 more years to get where i am, but ur still gonna have the same questions and no answers :D

Imagine, i was actually 'reminding' my friends of one loser's bday ystrday...He was the guy who found mirth in insulting me outright, and i defended him by saying "he's being funny!"

Sheesh!

Anonymous said...

I just saw that episode:). He fantasizes about different comebacks:).

I meant the one where Seinfeld and George grow mustaches to take a vacation from themselves.:)

I like Chandler in the first few seasons. Then, Joey.

-Ok

Drenched said...

Feeling comfortable with one's looks just comes very randomly. It's not something you can force upon your mind like, "All right, feel comfortable with your body, you idiot!" It's a sudden realisation kind of thing. That's how it happened to me, at least.
As for the whole post, I can so relate to it. Maybe it's got something to do with being at the same age...
And the feeling, uh, well, it's unrequited love.

Swetha said...

Drenched: *Gasp* Noooo, its not unrequited love, that's already happened to me :D This is just a stupid temporary thing... hopefully.

Ok: I dont remember it, But I'm sure I've seen it sometime. How can you not like chandler?? I love him :) Joey's adorable, but Chandler's the cutest!

Preeti: Yeah, we've all been through this at some point. It sucks. But I know its temporary, so all cool :D

Reemas from PrivateMarriage said...

castro is out tonight - he has all the looks of a pretty girl.

Mostly David A should be the winner

Swetha said...

Yeah Jason's definitely going tonight.... although I'd love for David Cook to win. He reminds me of Daughtry :D

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