Frankly? Frankly?

I don't know how I feel. I almost can't believe I'm saying this on the same day that my friends threw me a surprise birthday party, and words cannot define how much that meant to me.
I hate it when you know that within you, you have mixed feelings, but you aren't articulate enough to clearly distinguish between the both.

Passing time. I hate the feeling. I have always been scared of inevitability. I know that this is my last birthday as a college student. And mo matter how much I whine about wanting to move out, I don't want to close this chapter of my life. I really don't. I'm sure once I start the new one, I won't remember how I felt at this point, but the fact of the matter is I have NOT lived this year to the fullest. There is so much more that I could've done and now I've not been given the time.

I don't want to pass out of college, I don't want to stop singing, or being a part of my choir, I don't want to stop studying literature, I never ever want to lose touch with my friends, I don't want to stop working for the newspaper. I want to give it so much more. I want to learn so much more as a college student. Why are these oppurtunities so short lived?

Okay lets focus on the brightside. I've always had to throw people surprises, and no-one ever got the hint that I'd like it back. Except this year, and especially because everyone who means slightly something in my life was present. I'm going to try and capture this feeling of love that I have for every person present yesterday.

1. Pugsie- I just messaged you. You noticed that I wanted this. You planned it out. You're the best. i love you too much. I wouldn't know what to do without you, i would never let myself see that day. *kisses*
2. Zwikie- See, you will be a part of my life forever. No two ways about it. You know I can't live without. You're my only constant, and you know how much you mean to me. Happy birthday to you, too :)
3. Sh- What to say about you? I'm so glad to have met you. I'm never letting myself lose touch with you. You're the second best thing that happened to me. (msg me if you didn't figure out what the first it. wink!) We are going to move out and live together. You know I love you, more than words can convey.
4. A- I just wish I had met you earlier. I wish I had the chance to spend more time with you. I will always regret the fact that we met so late. I look upto you, you're as close as anyone can get to being like me, yet miles apart. I love spending time with you, you understand things mose people don't, and more than ever, I'm glad we share the same passion for music. Our connection is undescribabable :)
5. Anu- You're in the bathroom right now. What do I say about you? I'm glad I have you around, I don't quite share this unique relationship with anyone. You might have acted badly, but I can't point out any other person who cares about me as much as you do. You deserve every bit of success that will come your way. Much Much Much love :)
6. Sw- You underdog! I love you, like I'd love my younger sister. You can bring a genuine smile to my face, in seconds. I look out for you, without realizing how protective I am of you. Most of all, I'm glad you're around for that constant reality check. *kiss*
7. N- You complete me! And I know you're probably never going to read this, which is why I can say- you're the hottest person I know! And the most loyal, endearing one at that. I'm so glad I met you, I'm even more glad we have much more than what shows on face value.
8. In- Again, I wish I had met you earlier. You make me happy, one can't not be happy around you. Your presence is almost therapuetic. You're such a beautiful person, and I genuinely love you.
9. Vb and Sri- I don't know you guys enough, but I'm glad you came nonetheless. It shows how much people care. I have loved every minute of knowing the both of you :)

Phew. Okay... I'm officially facing a growing out of your teens crisis. I'll be fine. I loved the gifts, and I'm going to get more :D

Well, cheers to being me!