Thursday, November 27, 2008

I am the tough one. I realize that I have too much respect for all my friends to be lax with them about certain dead end things, no matter how hard they might seem to be rational about. And I'm usually not the mothering one.
This might sound teeny bit snobby but I can see things clearly maybe because I've been in and out of it.. many times. And I know that nothing's going to come out of it because it is a MESS. And getting into something inspite of knowing it is a mess, is something I've done before, so I know it is hard to come to terms with the fact that there are no expectations, there are no answers. We can wait all we want, but nothing will ever come out to be satisfactory. How do I know this? I can't explain, you'll have to see this from my perspective to understand.
Believe it or not, the reason I'm so harsh and so stern about this is because I know it is a downfall.
I hate to be the one to stand apart and make firm decisions, but I need to. I hate to be the one standing in the corner, wondering when this will sink into your head while the others are holding your hand telling you things will be okay. Get this. They WILL NOT untill you don't want them to.
Period.
You can keep running around in circles finding answers or backing your actions on the basis of past successes ( or connections) but the fact of the matter is, it's just going to be a pitfall. Knowing this, I am sorry, I cannot be supportive of what you do. I cannot be around, offering reasonable advice because you want to stick around and find out, or you don't want to let go of what you think is your perfect situation.
You're always going to find reasons to stay back. Some more intense, some less, and you're always going tell yourself that this is the last time. But there's never a last time. You'll always find a justification to pull you back. Recognise that this in only a downfall. And a dead end. Know that if you choose to put an end to it, It will be a lot harder than you expected. But you'll get through it. You will. I did, and you know how hard it was for me, and how stubborn and blind I was.

If you still want to stick on, know that I love you, too much to see you through this again. Deal with my shut mouth.