Am just discussing with someone how the truth is boring and shocking. Sometimes you reach a point in your life when the truth is no longer a jolt. You see it coming, you expect.. not the worst, but not the best either. I guess it's called being cynical. And I've always know this about me. I was never optimistic, a dreamer or any of those bright sounding words.When things happen that are not supposed to, my first reaction is never- "okay, why did that happen" but more like, "okay, what next". And usually, my emotions come out after i've answered the what next. So, if it is an absolutely hopeless situation, I will go all.. "ah, well.. bring it on. It had to happen, might as well deal with it", and if it can be worked on my response would be, "alright, let me chart out exactly what all I can do now".
It is after that ritual, if you will, that I get down to emoting over the situation, whatever be the needful. And this is almost how it is with every aspect. I'm not denying that incase the intensity of the situation is on extremes, my reactions would not be extreme. I will react as you would expect me to react, my point here is, I've reached the stage of indifference, practicality or cynicism, whatever you want to call it, that nothing is unacceptable for me. Things will hurt be, shock me, make me upset, make me cry, make me extremely annonyed, happy, ecstatic etc. But nothing has ever been unacceptable for me.
Is that indicative of something? I mean I don't know If I'm making sense here... what I'm trying to say is I accept. I always have. I might push things, manipulate, try to change stuff and all that jazz, but eventually I accept. Not because I'm left with no choice, but because it comes naturally to me. I bear with things, I accept things faster than most people I know. What freaks me though, is whether this is a form of escapism or just me? And I think this is the reason why I'm so oscillative (a word even?) by nature. I give it as they want to see it. And then I take it back occasionally. A rare few really know me. Nobody yet who knows all of me.
Rather startling realisation I realized. Probably also the reason why I have never been angry my entire life. I have never been angry, raged, etc. I have only been irritated, annonyed. But never more than that. Things get to me easily, but I let go even more easily.
P.s- try bread. very very soulful :D