Monday, June 23, 2008

Okay, this is going to be a very "unlike me" post. I'm going to try and not get defensive, be fair and calm, and spell out all sides of the story.

Wait, I just saw dad dancing becoz the PC has "jailhouse rock" playing. Awww :) {I use it more often when im aware someone doesn't like it. ahahahahaha. so much for an unlike me post}

Right I should get started. I will get straight to the point. None of you will ever here about Magnetron from now onwards. I have officially decided to not make him a part of my life. Let me begin by telling you what happened between us.. from the start. We were introduced, we flirted, he made me feel good after really long, his POA was more towards the "wham-bham-thankyou-ma'am" side, and mine was more towards conversation-leading-to-something-that-we-shall-not-spell-out-directly. Err, if you get me. The conflict of interest came out in the open. I drew a line. We decided to not go there, and continue to be friends/on talking terms. HA.

I kept telling everyone how I appreciated him being honest. I kept standing up for his blunt-ness. I have called him names many times, but I always did appreciate his being honest with me. Sometimes, he got a little too honest, and I put myself through that as well. Because you might think you know what you're doing, but in situation like these, sometimes you're not aware of the real line. When the attention stopped, I yearned for it. So the simple "flirted and didnt work out" relationship, became more complicated because... of hope. He had spelled it out for me. I still hoped he'd miraculously look at it the way I did.

He never stopped crossing the line, the same line I thought I had well defined within me. Apparently not. Because with time I learned to brush away his inisuations. Politely. And because I was so polite about it, he never stopped trying. Apparently on 1% men believe that a woman can flirt without wanting sex. Yeah, I know, SUCKS. Maybe, just maybe, she could be looking for good conversation.... *hold your breath* yes, that is it. Conversation.

So anyway, after the other experience I had with guys crossing their line, last night when he started talking similarly, I'd had enough. I didn't want to put myself to it. Unfortunately, I cannot articulate myself well in situations where Im not sure about how I feel. It took me till today morning to understand how I felt. So pugise handled it. (I love you with all my heart for doing that. You're the reason behind this firm decision that I've made. I swear I'd have screwed up without you. muah :))

Basically, we told him off. She him that enough was enough and that he'd talk to me only when we could have a conversation without him bringing up his favorite topic. And he says- "No can do"
So without passing ANY judgement, I decided that it was the end. I've had bitter self esteem issues in the past, but not bad enough to know I don't need t be a part of this mess. I understnd his want to talk about anything, hence there was n name calling. I just did not to pu myself through it anymore. Its over. I don't talk to him again. And I know I will. No weak moments, no detours.
And, Im fairly normal. The realisation has not made one bit of a difference to my life. I just am stronger, in terms of what I want and drawing a line. I'm quite proud of myself of making this decision. Its me: biggest succumb-er to forbidden fruit :) Its definitely going to help me make right decisions in the future.

Phew. Hasn't scarred me for life or anything, but I'm repulsed nonetheless. I think this is the beginning of my "I don't have time for a relationship" period. Well, bring it on :)

P.s- pugsie, I am very very thankful.
P.p.s- awww, Preeti, you think I'm cute :)
P.p.p.s- Next post will be very cynical and defensive, I promise. NO more growing up stuff! Even, I miss me already.

20 comments:

Okie Dokie said...

S here's my honest opinion. I am sure you won't want it. In any case

1. First I think I like mangetron. He is at least open about what he wants. He could have been all nice opening doors, taking you out for dinner etc. waiting for the right moment to twidletuum. This does not mean you hook up with him. Just don't think he is a bad guy.

2. The two of you have differences of opinion. So thats a good reason to call it off.

3. When I was your age somebody (who was 24 then) told me having a bf/gf is not worth it. I din't believe him then. I wish I had. So I offer the same advice to you. Screw guys and focus on something important like work, writing or singing Ok's praises.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I pretty much agree with you. Infact his honesty was why I fell for him in the first place. But it really sucked to have him try everytime inspite of him knowing how uncomfortable it made me feel.

But, I realize that this was more about conflict of interest than name calling.

And yes, I shall include singing your praises as a part of my daily itiniery because it is pretty obvious how much I prioritise it :D

-S

Preeti said...

Wow, Ok at his profund best...I think he's pretty much made a lotttttaaa sense in all of his points - from a guy's point of view!

Now, I think we girls r all the same (or atleast u r just like me) - we appreciate honesty...At the expense of bein defensive...Even when the guy is being brutally honest to a point where it hurts, like,"Hey, i think u kinda look like an owl today" and I'd feel hurt and laugh and say,"oh yea?tee hee" but id be smarting inside...

I think gettin defensive with someone who is mean is an outspring of insecurity...I mean here's a guy who is really nice and kinda the guy u would 'wanna have'..U may not even really like him or his honesty, but u stick by it cuz ur glad he's interested in u...(the way u r)

Lemme tell u had u felt somethin was right, u wudnt have drawn that line u said u drew...U did it cuz sub-consciously u dint really 'like' him but u juz dint want it to go away so soon...and so when he crossed it, whether pugsie was the reason or not, u decided enough was enough and u put it away....

I'm tellin u, ur gonna be a lot bettr now...Ur gonna realize u dint need to put up with all that...Lotta other things around to get ur head into (try dancing!)

Preachy but heart-felt..I don't know whethr it's ok that i have taken the liberty to analyse things for u from my angle, but i thought there was an analogy...

And yes, i think ur cute :)

S said...

You know, I couldn't have put it better. And I'm the analyser!

Yeah, I know, most of this had its roots in the self esteem issue.

We should get together and rule the world!

pugsieT said...

since im trying to be positive and totally-completely-honestly-nice to the point of spiritual moksha... i will tell you...
all this...all of this is a dream..and life goes on.

all i wanna say is "love"
and thats about all that matters
*bestie hug*

Scribblers Inc said...

ahh...I wanted to write something, but I seem to have forgotten.umm...maybe you could read Calvin and Hobbes to understand the finer points in life.works for me perfect!!:)

wishes for a brighter life.
Scribblers Inc.

Anonymous said...

@preeti and swetha

"And yes, i think ur cute :)"

I am seeing this way too often. And swetha just broke up with magentoron. Preethi, I am sure is tired with guys.

So putting 2 and 2 together I am getting some really fancy, wierd and totally hot ideas.

-Ok

Anonymous said...

You're an idiot. We have a bond. Period.

P.s- I haven't broken up with him, we were never dating. It was just a "thing". I haven't dated in a year. sniff.

-S

saumia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
go-phish said...

*bursts out into helpless peals of laughter*

Preeti said...

@OK,

I'm PreeTI not the other dumb spellin u typed out there!

U seem to be gettin a lotta ideas...Bein alone is the reason prhaps??

Any wonder why im tired of guys...??? :P

@S, Ignore madi...Bond it is!

Okie Dokie said...

@preetHi: I would rather blame it on the highly educational videos I see every night.

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