I was just thinking to myself a while ago. I am in a very good phase right now, am doing fantastic things, I'm meeting fantastic people, re-doscovering myself, and however cliched those few lines may sound, I'm truly in a good phase. The only thing that makes me question my fantastic-ness as I may put it, is the fact that I cannot find someone to be with. Maybe that's also because I don't know what I want. I have options, but I don't take them on. My "want" list is unending and nerve-wracking.
I have a couple of confessions to make, and I need to, so save me the gasps, people. I have been behaving.... a little desperate offlate. My words, actions, thoughts are all pointing towards one direction. I'm always on the lookout. And I know that's not wrong really, and I certainly don't think any low of myself, it's just that I've realised that it might be getting a little overboard. And as I see it, I have only one solution, and unfortunately when that solution will come around is not in my hands. I needed an aloud conversation for me too realise exactly when it was getting a little too much. It seems fine when it is restricted to only close friends, but now I think I need to make a standpoint.
Basically, I'm seeming too desperate for a boyfriend. And I tend to divert the entire issue to my self esteem, which sucks, really, and I need to stop doing that. I'm at a point right now where I'm the copy editor of a very reputed student's newspaper, I'm meeting excellent people, becoming more aware of my fab abilities, learning amazing thigns about myself, and my musical capabilites, am getting extremely mature and on the other hand, getting quite a bit of attention: I get called "pretty" every day almost 10 times, mostly from men. But there's this occasional new person who goes, "ooh, she's pretty", which, I know, is even better. So is it really worth it to beat myself up and question my fantastic-ness just because I don't have a boyfriend. I know to most of you the answer is simple, I guess only pugsie will understand this.
NO. I am happy :D I am.