Friday, August 29, 2008

It was the worst week ever. You're studying, and you still don't get the assurance that you belong to the course, and I absolutely hate the feeling of being displaced. Nothing would hurt me more. Yes, I'm a very insecure person.

And then, I realise that no matter how hard I work, It'll never be good enough because my overall marks are sucky. Then my bathroom bulb fuses. And the net stops working. Plus, my Mp3's one year guarentee is getting over, so its getting suckier by the day. And most of all, everybody, EVERYONE around me is leaving all their extra curricular so they can do well this year, and I'm just taking a big fat risk.

And then i get the feeling that I'm not suited for my course. All of a sudden. I know I'm fairly good, but I don't want to be JUST good. I want to kick ass. But how the fuck am I supposed to manage 3rd year English literature, while working in a full time students newspaper plus a wetern music choir. I can't keave either because choir is my one and only extre curricular without which I'll turn very grouchy and sulky. In any case, It's one of those things you know you can never ever quit. And the newspaper is the only thing that is helping me get through the course I want in future since it qualifies as work ex. Plus I love working there. The work enviornment is like a dream come true :)

Urgh, I hate this. I hate being mediocre, I hate not knowing what to do. I've always ALWAYS hated being average. What do i do? Can I manage three things at a time and afford the risk?(scribblers should know how hard 3rd year is.)

This sucks. I'm in such a slimy stinky undecided mess.

Okay good things.
  • Went shopping, bought FAB stuff. As in fabulous stuff :)
  • Am making a movie on the female gaze, at my literary society fest. Something I'm so passionate about.
  • Had the best time ever at Sh's birthday. We got drunk, and ate and danced, and did some bi-sexual stuff :D okay okay, kidding, but we were close. Best of all, she gave us t-shirts as a return gift. Aww, I love my friends.

P.s- I still need to resolve my mess. Suggestions...please.

10 comments:

Scribblers Inc said...

oh...I was similar...no topper tho...and the best I got to was blogging...but I know you would rock in the near future...ROCK ON...playin at a theatre near you...:P

Scribblers Inc.

P.S.-Bi-sexual stuff?!?your blog is shure getting more mature in content...tag it U/A!!:D

S said...

I should really meet you soon, we have far too many things in common :D

(i,e- the PJs)

V said...

Invite the "Girls Gone Wild" crew to your next party. It'll work wonders to cheer you up.

Like IBM says - Stop Talking, Start Doing.

Anonymous said...

IN my opinion 'woman' you gotta learn to accept that you and your friends are gonna make different choices...while person X left something cuz she outgrew it...person Y is considering it cuz her own marks are wobbly and shes taking on theatre by the horns (sniff).......life, is different for all of us.
You're totally on the right track. Dont overthink and overkill!


-you know you love me-
xoxo
(guess who! :P)

Anonymous said...

(was just too tired to sign in. sigh)

S said...

V: Yeah, yeah.

Pugsie: bitch. You had my hopes high.

Anonymous said...

*mwahahaha*...thats what i do. break hearts. *kiss kiss*

:P

ki said...

Sorry if it's too blunt BUT suck it up and smile :)
Life gets tough at times but before you know it, it would've taken a turn for the better! The newspaper and music make you happy don't they? Stick with them. As for studoes, we call loathe them, but a couple of more months and it'll all be over. Just focus on making the most of college life! :D

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