It was the worst week ever. You're studying, and you still don't get the assurance that you belong to the course, and I absolutely hate the feeling of being displaced. Nothing would hurt me more. Yes, I'm a very insecure person.

And then, I realise that no matter how hard I work, It'll never be good enough because my overall marks are sucky. Then my bathroom bulb fuses. And the net stops working. Plus, my Mp3's one year guarentee is getting over, so its getting suckier by the day. And most of all, everybody, EVERYONE around me is leaving all their extra curricular so they can do well this year, and I'm just taking a big fat risk.

And then i get the feeling that I'm not suited for my course. All of a sudden. I know I'm fairly good, but I don't want to be JUST good. I want to kick ass. But how the fuck am I supposed to manage 3rd year English literature, while working in a full time students newspaper plus a wetern music choir. I can't keave either because choir is my one and only extre curricular without which I'll turn very grouchy and sulky. In any case, It's one of those things you know you can never ever quit. And the newspaper is the only thing that is helping me get through the course I want in future since it qualifies as work ex. Plus I love working there. The work enviornment is like a dream come true :)

Urgh, I hate this. I hate being mediocre, I hate not knowing what to do. I've always ALWAYS hated being average. What do i do? Can I manage three things at a time and afford the risk?(scribblers should know how hard 3rd year is.)

This sucks. I'm in such a slimy stinky undecided mess.

Okay good things.

• Went shopping, bought FAB stuff. As in fabulous stuff :)
• Am making a movie on the female gaze, at my literary society fest. Something I'm so passionate about.
• Had the best time ever at Sh's birthday. We got drunk, and ate and danced, and did some bi-sexual stuff :D okay okay, kidding, but we were close. Best of all, she gave us t-shirts as a return gift. Aww, I love my friends.

P.s- I still need to resolve my mess. Suggestions...please.

BAD case of low self esteem.

Really bad.

you. *points at you*. Compliment me.

p.s- You includes readers, friends, random person.

W.B.Yeats: Pure Genius.
Although, I still think i can relate more to existentialism, somehow Yeats and Byron really appeal to me. And I never thought I was much a fan of poetry. Its something about their symbolism.

Third year is very very "me". It's going to be hard to get what I want, but well, lets put it this way, It's my only chance.

My youtube and net suddenly stopped working for some weird reason. I'm back after a good 4 day gap.

Okay, good news:

1. my editor thinks I'm good editor material, and If i were to stick around longer, I would've been made one :D
2. I have found my niche :D :D
3. I have a goal and I'm working towards it. Best part- I'm loving it.

p.s- watch "charlie the unicorn" on youtube. Funniest stuff I've seen ever.

• Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is. It's not about money... it's about... sending a message. Everything burns
• Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just, do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how, pathetic, their attempts to control things really are.
• Just did what I do best. I took your plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did, to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets.
• Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it's fair.
• Call me when you want to start taking things a little more seriously.

P.s- drool drool :)

P.p.s- conversation with Sh that I HAD TO share.

Me: kya karti mein tere bina!

Sh: kapde phaad ke magnetron pe chad jaati.

sigh, my friends!

• I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger
• You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
• I took Gotham's white knight, and brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. Y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little...push.
• See, I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve
• If you're good at something, never do it for free.
• You just couldn't let me go, could you?
• You didn't think I'd risk the battle for Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you?
• Kill you? I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, you... you complete me.
• Let's turn the clocks back. A year ago, these cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? Did your - did your balls drop off? Hmm?
• This town deserves a better class of criminal... and I'm gonna give it to them

1. Make out song- Jack Johnson: Sexy Plexy
2. Dance-with-parnter song (raw sesuality)- Sway: Pussycat Dolls
3. Song to listen to when you're almost falling in love, but are not sure- You do something to me: Paul Weller.
4. Unrequited love song (in a situation of despair, but happy situation)- Mad about you: Hooverphonic
5. Unrequited love song (depressed, upset version)- Love of my life: Dave matthews Band
6. Contemplative attraction song- Riders on the storm: Nigel Kennedy and Jazz Coleman
7. "In love for sure" song- Yellow: coldplay and Crazy little thing called love: Queen
8. "Just a crush" song- Something in the way she moves: Beatles
9. Physical attraction song- Ganja Babe: Franti
10. Miss somebody (while in a relationship) song- Ain't no sunshine: Van Morrison.
11. Miss somebody (outside a relationship) song- Sparks: Coldplay
12. Perfect betrayal song- No ordinary morning: Chicane
13. Feel good (don't give a fuck about anything else) song- Paulo Nutini: New shoes on and Beautiful world: Colin Hay
14. Ever lasting unrequited love- I don't think I'll ever get over you: Colin Hay
15. High and want to feel fab Song- The Man who sold the world: Nirvana
16. Don't know how to feel song- Deep inside of you: Third eye Blind
17. Scream-out-loud in love Song- That thing you do: The wonders
18. Spine-tickling attraction Song- Shiver: Coldplay
19. Have to let go Song- Against all odds: Phil Collins (not Mariah Carey!)
20. First kiss song- Kiss me: Sixpence none the richer.

P.s- Boyfriend. want... dont. care. if. sound. desperate.

So, ncategorically, who is a 'Nerd' ?

I've never understood the negative connotations with it? And it pisses the hell out of me that when you feel like studying, or reading up to increase your own knowledge of the course you've loved, people give you the look. I know I didn't do that well the previous year, I know I've always been associated with laidback-ness.. but sometimes you've got to let the person be. Seriously.

I love my course. I love everything related to it, and the worst part is, when you don't do well, people automatically presume that you're not meant for the course. There are times when I want to get up and scream- "I'm fucking good!" and I know the only way I can really do that is by doing well year- which is something I know I can. I really know. And I don't want to pass out not knowing how it feels to kickass and be succesful atleast one year out of the three. Or alteast giving it my best.

This is all I want to do this year. Though, i'm already starting to notice that without my, our music society is already coming down. And I should ideally work at being good this year considering current attraction is from my rival college's Western music college, and the pressure of making a markn considerably increases, but I have to choose. And I've chosen: My course.
and there, I hate all of you who just when "what a nerd."

P.s- Love of my life- dave mathews band. Eeeee!!

I am not a cynic. And I'm quite fab :)

This is what a random little (sidey) attraction does to you. I don't really want to talk about, its one of those sidey attractions that only increased because people around you made it to be. He's not my type, really. Its just the voice and the fact that he's a Goan-Christian.

I have a majorrr, MAJOR thing for guys with a nice voice. He sings. And I've never really been with someone who sings... and fucking well. Hence the attraction. Lets see what happens, I'll be seeing him soon, and by seeing I mean "visually". We're yet to be introduced. I don't think he knows of my existence... plus, he's way outta my league, though my editor and his girlfriend don't think so. Anyway, I shall not get into that debate. Even if we're not introduced, or nothing happens, the realisation that a small attraction makes you a lot happier has now come to me. I suggest it to all!

Moving on, I read a couple of thingummys here and there. I've been so far away from couples and relationships, I never realised that it can be beautiful all the same. I read this conversation between a guy I know and his girlfriend, he was convincing her to go out with him then. Not cheesy at all, quite beautiful. And all this while I kept thinking that they're not suited for each other, but now after that, I see why they're together. And a few peoms that he's written perfectly describes how they are, as a couple.

I don't think I'm going to get cynical about relationships anymore. It seemed rather fresh, caught me by eye. They're "in love", but it was something else. Put a genuine smile on my face. I don't want the same thing, but atleast I know that its not all disgusting and mushy.. they call love a beautiful feeling for a reason. And the best part is, I like someone, but it took to a peak into somebody else's relationship to realize it.

P.s- In a calm/good mood, not hyper/good mood.
P.p.s- Franti- Ganja Babe. Listen :)

I love Dave Mathews Band! i just transfered a few songs from a friends lappie, and i've fallen in love with it all over again!!
Apart from that, college is going fine... I'm busy as usual. I love this feeling of doing consrtuctive stuff, plus my editor just told me that my work has been fantastic lately!

Wait, you know how you shorten the word fabulous and make it "fab"? Since yesterday, I'll shortened the word "fantastic" to "fann" and it sounds so funny, but I cant stop myself from saying it anymore!

Anyway... oh yeah. I'm thinking of opening another blogpae where I take pictures and write about incidents of everytime i hear someone say "anywayS" or type it. I'm sick of getting pissed off with wrong grammar, so I'm going to try to e a little less cynical about it and accept that there are people out there who are either ignorant or downright stupid.

Untill next time then.

P.s- Gravedigger- dave mathews band! I can't get enough of it!!