What I wouldn't do to change this. Its very petty, but embarrassing nonetheless. I hate it! You know the feeling of inevitability plus the quality of blabbering nonsense put together? It sucks. I hate not being to be myself around new people who shouldn't and are not trying to make me feel nervous but I end up gettin nervous anyway and BLABBER.
I hate it when I blabber. I know I'm talking bullshit, but I say it anyway, FOR no reason. There is no reason why I blabber, but I blabber anyway. Like right now. Urgh.
Don't get me wrong Im in a fairly nice mood. Its just that I get easily nervous around new people, under professional or personal circumstances. And it sucks that this time it's profressional. I hate knowing that Im a different person but the people I blabber in front of are forming a totally different opinion of me because of my blabbering. I hate being thought of dumb, and obviously when I blabber, the person who's on the receiving end will think Im dumb, or I'm stoned or something.
I'm intellectually very capable and anti-drugs, thank you very much.
Okay, on a more positive note, Mum and Dad bought a new car. It looks great and finally we have a car with an Mp3 player! So that should something to gloat about for a while. I have to make sure I dont sound like a dumbfuck when I get another call in a minute or so. Plus, I have to make sure I don't get a writer's block once Im apointed some work. It always happens to me, and this time It'll be horrible to have a writer's block, especially when the only toher way I can prove to people who think I blabber is by writing quite well, and YES I'm capable of it.
Anyway. I'm going over to Best friend's place for 3 days tom. Infact we've like made a mini timetable sorta thingy:) Hoping to catch Sex and the city while Im there.
Urgh, If only I could get rid of the stupid blabbering habit. It happened with Vp and my first editor who called me, it happened throughout my thing with M, with Magnetmoron and now with this.
I should focus on maintaining a dignified silence when nervous instead of blabbering like a prick. I hate those eyes liek usually look at me whenever I blabber. Thankfully on the phone its just the tone. Eyes are pretty much worse.
Okay, I'm doing it again.
Going now, before it gets worse.