Sunday, October 30, 2011

Okay you know what?

I'm selfish. I want things - all to me, and I hate it when I don't get them. Sometimes I'm manipulative, in the process.

Eventually, I even get bored of the exact same "things" I would've done anything for, a while ago. (For example - given my way, I would keep all my ex-boyfriends, who I dumped, in my pocket.)

I'm also greedy; I want everything. I want to eat all the food I possibly can, I want those shoes NOW, I want to date 4 men at once, I want to eat the entire box of ferrero rocher.

I judge. I put people in social and economic cliques, and I typecast them.

I lie. I compulsively lie to make myself sound better, to make somebody else happy, to escape a situation (in that order)

Sometimes, I'm NOT a friend, and NOT a girlfriend (I don't even think I am meant for a loyal, committed relationship, not until I can grow up, really - and I can mistakenly let out a friend's secrets I wasn't supposed to reveal)

I'm paranoid. If there's something bothering me, I will harp on it, whine, crib and wail until I don't get distracted or it isn't solved. Usually, it's the former.

I get distracted very easily. I might cut you short when you're making a point, I might pretend to listen to you intently and not give a shit about what you're saying.

I pretend. I pretend, make believe and cook up stories for entertainment, drama and sometimes just because.

I'm negative. Not only is my glass always empty, I don't think I've ever liked how the glass looked.

I'm critical - I might never approve or like something once I am set against it.

I'm also extremely easy - I don't think anyone's had to convince me much. I'm stubborn, and I have a low self esteem. SO If I feel fat today - you can turn the world around and I will still continue to feel so.

I'm vain. SO even though I'm fat, my skin is blotchy and my hair is sometimes too thin/ sometimes too frizzy - I still think I'm gorgeous. Sometimes.

Tomorrow, the smallest thing you say about.. say, my zit, will make me cry. And day after, you could be going through a health crisis and if I'm lazy, I might not want to help.

I'm lazy. I might not eat dinner if I don't feel up to getting up.

I think I'm retarded.


Sk said...

You know what, I think you are just pmsing ;--))
Don't be too hard on yourself, no one is perfect, everyone has their bad days.

"A" said...

@SK .... exactly what i was thinking while i was reading this.

@S... RELAX.