I'm not a bad person.
Just fickle.


I have always been dreamy, like a small child with that little frilly doll on her mind. (Or action truck, whatever)

I am impulsive.
And I am romantic.
I fluctuate between being self critical and extremely lax.
But, don't we all?

And I have my fair share of irrational choices, honest interruptions and impulsively tainted decisions.
Just your average girl who runs through tunnels of emotions.

But you don't want these justifications.
You want to know why I make the same mistakes.
You only want to know why I am so complex.
It's simple. I try. I do wrong. I get beaten down. I learn. I implement.
I'm not a bad person.
I am just fickle.

I promise.
Maybe I need that sabbatical to Pondicherry afterall. Devoid of technology and a heart.
Maybe I can buy some stability?

This time, it's a complexity laced with self righteousness and self pleasing.
No amount of Plath, Woolf or modernist/post modernist perspectives can make one (me) ignore the right thing to do.
So this time when I close my eyes and make a decision, it'd be a mature one, but my eyes would have been shut.

Labels don't always drive away the complexity.

And sometimes, 2 am dead silences can have many connotations. But that's okay because it's still 2 am, and you know that. You also know it'll be morning soon.

As long as I can see a wave vividly in the inner recesses of my head, It doesn't matter that it is a wave.