I wish there were someone like John Keating from Dead Poets Society around here to scare away the reigning under confidence that builds its fence around me. For me the movie is less about mainstream conformity and more about inspiration. About romance, and how underrated the concept of romance is. I don't mean romance as red beating hearts romance, but everything romantic. Romantic verse, and romantic art has always inspired me with it's forthright nature of drama and extravagance, and more so, made me realize how much a fool you seem when you show interest in it. I clearly remember holding back my admiration for the romantics back in college.
It's funny and a little pathetic, how I need external influences to drive the course of my confidence. I hate admitting to it mostly, but I have a fluctuating self esteem. Sue me. I need external influences to inspire me, boost my confidence, and I do spend a lot of time having those weird talk-to-yourself pep talks, but they hardly work.
It's like my mind is this whirlpool of thoughts. And I have to actively stop myself from running into the drama around the negatives. These negatives. What to do with them. I always thought I was a realist. When did I turn into a negative person? And what always plays on my mind is how I can stop being one.
Somehow, It feels like all of it is connected. I know the confidence, faith and positivity can come around if I stop THINKING so goddamn much. I should, no?