Monday, November 2, 2009

I was called the Crib Queen in school. By a very dear friend. Of course things changed since then, but an inherent need to want to find any platform you get where you complain about how your life is not going the way you planned, exists in most of us, right?

I've always been the recipient, not the creator. I realized this more when I became a literature student a couple of years ago and figured- that is what i wanted to do with my life. And I was willing to sacrifice the one staunch decision I had made because I had some romantic notions of how my life between the ages of 20-30 should be like. I wanted a life, in general. And yet, being where I am right now, knowing exactly why I'm here, I feel unsatisfied. Sometimes I regret taking this step, mostly because I still don't have a purpose, even though this was a secondary choice.

I feel unsatisfied, because no matter what I do, I know I can do better:

1. I could have done better as a full time lit student
2. I could have done better as a professional singer
3. I could have done better with my choir in college
4. I could have done that assignment better
5. I coule have participated in this event better.
6. I could look better.
7. I could have better clothes.
8. I could have done more to not spoil relationships.
9. I could have spoken better here or there
10. I could have written all of this better.

No really, I could go on.

The question is, should I pick up my bags and do something to satisfy myself, no concern of the risk involved or should I shun this as a common human tendency and focus on daily-doings that keep you going?

Eternal questions, I say. Maybe I should have just posted the question.