You know what I realized - at 23 there are so many people out there who are:

- Way cooler than me (just in the mind)
- Have seen All of europe
- Have creatively satisfying jobs
- Have better written/verbal skills
- Have a better voice than me / are a part of a band
- Are better looking than me
- Have a better home
- Have more money
- Have the luxury to make trips, shop till they drop, can creatively do up their apartments etc

And me on the other hand,

- I have a single digit bank balance right now (end of the month)
- Live in a box for an apartment in the world's dirtiest city
- Am plumpety, plump, plump.
- Have to think 200 hundred times about what I write, and whether it's any good
- Often have to speak twice because autowallahs don't hear me at first go
- My room's like.. dust just wiped off superficially, and a mattress thrown in the corner
- The only color in my house is because of roommate
- Don't have a good perfume, shoes are wrapped in plastic bags so they don't catch fungus, and I wear one pair of sloppy purple flops that make my feet dirty all the time
- Have a job that pays me to make .. PPTs (okay it's more than that, but very little creative input and more flaff really)
- No clothes to boast about
- Can't sing much anyway



Where is my life going? Why isn't anything right?

There's a mustard-like stain on my white shirt.

Those bouncing mirrors of crimson and bottle-green on my earring are speaking to me- "beauty is only skin deep. Use me, you need ornamental beautification"

I have a small cut on my lip because I bit my nail to uneven-ness and decided to scratch my lip. Karma, methinks.

I harbour warped notions- describing my surroundings in a self-deprecating manner might bring about a creative brainwave within me.

Ulp.

What am I going to with half baked thoughts and half formed words?

Come on, creativity. Where have you walked away, leaving me with the incorrect spelling of inspeeeration?

I'm a fat lump of lard. That's what I am. And I should just shoot myself.

I miss you, my little love bun. All bright and shiny and supportive.
You were all always the radiant light I needed to maintain sanity - burst of positivity and my regular dose of "S focus! Don't do that" or "You must do this" but the occasional "It's okay if you've done that"

With all our deconstructing conversations late into the night, owning up to guilty pleasures, the secrets (or just random bits of conversation) that I would never intimately discuss with anybody so meticulously. The analysis of everything under the sun.

I'm sorry. I know I musn't let my guard down. I just miss you too much today.