Why?

Am I ever going to be happy with myself?

I know they say that the key to truly living a productive life is to never be happy or satisfied and to miss the complacency boat altogether. But I'm starting to wonder if the same can be applied to self esteem.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. Probably the happiest I've ever been. The more content I get with work and personal life, the worse standards I hold to myself.

FAT FAT FAT
LOOK AT ALL THAT FLAB
Whatever happened to my skin?
Why can't I just be 3 inches taller?
Why is my hair so thin? Am I balding?
Why can't I also not give a shit?

I write very often on body positivity and celebrating your individuality for work, but I'm yet to get there by myself.

Can I truly disassociate losing weight with being fit? Can I truly be happy with how I look? Are these problems even worth my time?


My wedding is in 6 months. Everyday I tell myself I will eat right and work out. I manage to do mostly only one of the two, owing to my busy job, and predictably, I feel terrible at night before I sleep.

Is it always going to be this hard to practice what one preaches?

(Typing this as I make fitness plans for the next week. I'm incorrigible)